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2020.10.30 00:51 ExecutorAndree My gf (24f) is upset about me having female friends

So Im 25m, she's 24f and we've been together for nearly two years. We also studied together and now - live together. I believe we both love each other and care about each other, but she keeps stating that she feels neglected and not loved enough. And the most prominent reason is - I maintained some female friendships from the college. Over the time, she started getting upset about more and more of my female friends, and it has reached a pretty ridiculous level imo.
When we started dating she was relaxed about variety of stuff, over time it got much worse.
She doesn't like me having female friends. In her opinion if she was enough for me as a woman I wouldn't need anybody else of opposite sex. She is upset over me stopping for a chat with female friend from college for a while on my way to work (I pass her store on my way). She is upset I have a running joke with a female friend (particular emoji as a secret sign of our "club"). She is upset that I'd talk with any girl about something I don't talk with her (class she doesn't attend, show she doesn't watch). She was broken-hearted when she saw female friend calling me a diminutive name, and me responding with the same tease. Often when I use messenger, she asks me who I'm talking to (last time: "Are you talking to a female friend rn?"), because she doesn't like me texting with other girls (especially after a curfew). She was mad when she heard that I've sent one of our female friends some funny pic like years ago and she casually brought that up. She was mad about me drawing a little heart next to my signature on a birthday card for our female friend. She forbids me even to heart-react to pictures of female friends on facebook, as it is "too much affection".
I try to reason with her, try to explain myself (Im overall more social person than she is, and also we've studied a major where like 80% people are girls, so its only natural I have some female friends), try to give in to some of her demands (limiting contact with certain friends, being more transparent about who Im texting and also giving her more love and affection), but it only gets worse and worse. I also try to point out that they are just friends, and those are behaviors I present towards male friends aswell, and yet she doesn't get jealous of them.
She actually partially agrees that I don't do anything wrong. She just doesn't like it and "if I really loved her I would have listened to her requests". In her opinion its like her, shaving legs - it wouldn't be morally bad if stopped doing it, but I surely wouldn't like it.
All for nothing. She is basically willing to break up because of behaviors like above and many more of similar weight. I don't want to lose her, and yet I feel like Im not only not trusted enough - Im suffocating under her growing demands.
What can I do about her behavior? How can I reason with her?
tl;dr My girlfriend is limiting my contact with female friends.
submitted by ExecutorAndree to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.10.30 00:51 ExecutorAndree My gf (24f) is upset about me having female friends

So Im 25m, she's 24f and we've been together for nearly two years. We also studied together and now - live together. I believe we both love each other and care about each other, but she keeps stating that she feels neglected and not loved enough. And the most prominent reason is - I maintained some female friendships from the college. Over the time, she started getting upset about more and more of my female friends, and it has reached a pretty ridiculous level imo.
When we started dating she was relaxed about variety of stuff, over time it got much worse.
She doesn't like me having female friends. In her opinion if she was enough for me as a woman I wouldn't need anybody else of opposite sex. She is upset over me stopping for a chat with female friend from college for a while on my way to work (I pass her store on my way). She is upset I have a running joke with a female friend (particular emoji as a secret sign of our "club"). She is upset that I'd talk with any girl about something I don't talk with her (class she doesn't attend, show she doesn't watch). She was broken-hearted when she saw female friend calling me a diminutive name, and me responding with the same tease. Often when I use messenger, she asks me who I'm talking to (last time: "Are you talking to a female friend rn?"), because she doesn't like me texting with other girls (especially after a curfew). She was mad when she heard that I've sent one of our female friends some funny pic like years ago and she casually brought that up. She was mad about me drawing a little heart next to my signature on a birthday card for our female friend. She forbids me even to heart-react to pictures of female friends on facebook, as it is "too much affection".
I try to reason with her, try to explain myself (Im overall more social person than she is, and also we've studied a major where like 80% people are girls, so its only natural I have some female friends), try to give in to some of her demands (limiting contact with certain friends, being more transparent about who Im texting and also giving her more love and affection), but it only gets worse and worse. I also try to point out that they are just friends, and those are behaviors I present towards male friends aswell, and yet she doesn't get jealous of them.
She actually partially agrees that I don't do anything wrong. She just doesn't like it and "if I really loved her I would have listened to her requests". In her opinion its like her, shaving legs - it wouldn't be morally bad if stopped doing it, but I surely wouldn't like it.
All for nothing. She is basically willing to break up because of behaviors like above and many more of similar weight. I don't want to lose her, and yet I feel like Im not only not trusted enough - Im suffocating under her growing demands.
What can I do about her behavior? How can I reason with her?
tl;dr My girlfriend is limiting my contact with female friends.
submitted by ExecutorAndree to relationships [link] [comments]

2020.10.29 19:16 _oceanliving I (42) stayed but I think I have more to be worried about

I’ve been with my boyfriend (45) two years. I have two kids (11 and 9). We have lived together about 6months. For the first 2-3 months of our relationship he cheated on me with someone half my age. He didn’t confess this at the time (when it was easy to leave) but instead I found out accidentally seven months later and he lied initially when I confronted him. But I had pictures to prove it. I’m very concerned at how easily he can lie. About three months ago we had a fight where he left (for a week-10 days). He put himself on a dating website and met someone new. He said he was “good with it” because there’s a consequence to me getting angry. He decided we were over and he was moving on. It’s not that simple because he was also messaging me saying he was thinking through whether he was coming back. Then this week something happened. A few days ago he was looking through Facebook Messenger with me for something. I saw a message from a woman he knows overseas. He was fidgety too. Then yesterday when he was looking in there again the message was gone. He’s well known for deleting messages. When he ended both the affairs he deleted everything. He wipes the slate clean and comes back. For me I need to understand what’s happened so I can make an informed decision. I’m old enough to decide for myself. If he’s cheated and is lying again this time it’s a guarantee I’ll leave (I didn’t say this but to him). When I raised it with him he says I’m wrong. He didn’t try to prove it - just assured me I’m wrong. My gut is telling me otherwise. I don’t know what to do anymore. Leaving impacts so many lives. I need to be sure he’s cheated again if I’m to inflict so my pain and confusion for two little angels. Any advice is so welcomed because I’m feeling lost.
submitted by _oceanliving to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]

2020.10.29 16:21 Tibitza99 What could it mean?

So I am talking to this girl on Facebook Messenger, and she just said that my voice from over messenger voice messages sounds childish ( which even I admit is true, sadly, I am 21). But I am a nice looking male, so not a childish physical appearance roflmao, just not sporty or muscly or whatever.
But what is weird is the fact she considers it to be somewhere between simpatique and surprising, which intrigues her, as she just said.
By the way, she is a nice one, but a typical Scorpio who takes not little to see whether the person she's talking to via internet is real or not, she's very suspicious, but she seemed to like me since yesterday at midnight when we connected through Facebook Dating and she told me that she feels sorry for the dumb girls that I talk with but in the end choose someone else because they are missing such a great person ( that's what she said not me haha ).
Could it mean she doesn't know whether she likes me or not? Or could it mean that she likes me but I need to prove more to gain her trust and eventually date her?
Edit: I forgot to say that I have momentarily left her on SEEN, cause idk if it's a good idea to continue texting her today, tomorrow, or at all.
submitted by Tibitza99 to TextingAdvice [link] [comments]

2020.10.29 09:35 HoldHerHand_4EVR Article on anger

This article includes the Infographics I already posted.
Also, see my previous posts. The links follow through, and somewhere in the bottom of it all, if you haven't seen it, is a link to my story (for the newbs).
Think of anger like an iceberg. Most of the iceberg is hidden below the surface of the water. Similarly, when we are angry, there are usually other emotions hidden beneath the surface. It’s easy to see a person’s anger but can be difficult to see the underlying feelings the anger is protecting.
For example, Dave believed he had an anger problem. When his wife would make a request of him, he would criticize her. He didn’t like his reactions, but he felt he couldn’t help it. As he worked on mindfulness and started noticing the space between his anger and his actions, he opened up the door into a profound realization.
He didn’t really have an anger problem. Instead, he felt like his wife was placing impossible demands on him. By seeking to understand and accept his anger, rather than fix or suppress it, he began to improve his marriage by recognizing his anger as a signal that he needed to set healthy boundaries for what he would and would not do.
Dave’s story points out an important concept. As Susan David, Ph.D., author of Emotional Agility says, “Our raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.” Her point is there is something more below the surface of our anger.

Anger is often described as a “secondary emotion” because people tend to use it to protect their own raw, vulnerable, overwhelming feelings, yet anger is also primarily one of the six “basic emotions” in the Atlas of Emotions (anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise) identified by Paul Ekman in his research. Anger is simply felt by everyone at one point or another, and it’s completely valid as its own emotion.
But anger doesn’t come out of nowhere—there are usually other emotions or feelings that spur the anger, and that may lie beneath it. Underneath Dave’s anger was pure exhaustion and feeling that he wasn’t good enough for his wife. So his anger was formed by that disappointment with himself and protected him from deeply painful shame.
Learning to recognize anger as both a basic, valid emotion and as a protector of our raw feelings can be incredibly powerful. It can lead to healing conversations that allow couples as well as children and parents to understand each other better.
Below is what we call the Anger Iceberg because it shows the “primary emotions” lurking below the surface. Sometimes it’s embarrassment, loneliness, exhaustion, or fear.
One of the most difficult things about listening to a child or lover’s anger, especially when it’s directed at us, is that we become defensive. We want to fight back as our own anger boils to the surface. If this happens, we get in a heated verbal battle which leaves both parties feeling misunderstood and hurt. Here are three powerful tips for listening to anger.
1. Don’t take it personallyYour partner or child’s anger is usually not about you. It’s about their underlying primary feelings. To not taking this personally takes a high level of emotional intelligence.
One of the ways I do this is by becoming curious of why they’re angry. It’s much easier for me to become defensive, but I’ve found thinking, “Wow, this person is angry, why is that?” leads me on a journey to seeing the raw emotions they are protecting and actually brings us closer together.
**2. Don’t EVER tell your partner to “calm down”**When I work with couples and one of the partners get angry, I have witnessed the other partner say, “Calm down” or “You’re overreacting.” This tells the recipient that their feelings don’t matter and they are not acceptable.
The goal here is not to change or fix your partner’s emotions but rather to sit on their anger iceberg with them. Communicate that you understand and accept their feelings.
When you do this well, your partner’s anger will subside and the primary emotion will rise to the surface. Not to mention they will feel heard by you, which builds trust over time.
Maybe you grew up in a family where anger wasn’t allowed, so when your partner expresses it, it feels paralyzing and you freeze. Or maybe you try to solve their anger for them because their anger scares you. Open yourself up to experience you and your partner’s full spectrum of emotions.
3. Identify the obstacleAnger is often caused by an obstacle blocking a goal. For example, if your partner’s goal is to feel special on their birthday and their family member missing their special day makes them angry, identifying the obstacle will give you insight into why they’re angry.
The bottom line is that people feel angry for a reason. It indicates other emotions, but it is also a valid emotion on its own. It needs to be validated. It’s your job to understand and sit with your partner in it. By doing so, you will not only help them to understand their anger, but you will become closer to them in the process.” by Kyle Benson first published in The Gottman Institute
Kyle Benson is an Intentionally Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research-based tools to build long-lasting relationships. Kyle is best known for his compassion and non-judgemental style and his capacity to see the root problem. Download the Intimacy 5 Challenge to learn where you and your partner can improve your emotional connection and build lasting intimacy. Connect with Kyle on Twitter and Facebook. For more tools visit kylebenson.net.
I downloaded the Intimacy 5 Challenge linked here, but have yet to evaluate it. It was free other than adding an email. We'll see how spammy that gets.
“Feelings of anger can be interpreted as a protective cover for what we really feel underneath.
Anger is a secondary emotion that is more socially acceptable to express than the primary emotions we feel. Showing anger allows us to protect our vulnerable feelings of:
1. Fear2. Jealousy3. Shame4. Sadness5. Hurt
If someone says something derogatory, controlling, or demeaning to you, it may seem like a personal attack. You may feel fear, shame and/or grief because you are being treated in such a demeaning way. Instead of voicing these vulnerable feelings that you may believe are weak, you lash out in anger to feel more in control. Unfortunately, reacting in aggressive ways like yelling, throwing things, pushing or hitting does not address what you are really feeling.
The next time you begin to feel angry, pause and think: “What am I feeling underneath?” Explore the feeling of sadness, shame, jealousy or fear that your anger is covering. Think about what outcome you want from the situation and the best way to achieve it. While you take time to reflect on your internal thoughts the anger will subside. You may need to count to ten or leave the room. Think of the best way to express your primary feeling to the offending party.” Excerpt from Anger As A Secondary Emotion.
“The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:
SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
SHAME is one of the most complex. Authopsychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.
Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:
To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.
Anger A Secondary Emotion - What Are We Protecting?
I went a bit into some of these strategies, as well as turning towards your spouse when dealing with triggers in this comment.
Chin up, folks. Remember, even if "the worst" happens and you do not recover, you will never lose if you become a master at having a safe and healthy relationship - the best you can offer is to model and share that life!
submitted by HoldHerHand_4EVR to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]

2020.10.28 20:28 PresentLink2799 Anti-depressants/birth control/demisexuality

I don't want to be so self-absorbed that I don't come off as not being collaborative/community-oriented, but I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or could offer advice or wisdom. Also, this question gets kind of medical, and all to say - I know not to take anything as the same as a doctor.
So I'm 30 (female) and I've dated various guys for maybe 1-2 months at a time, nothing really stuck until a relationship I formed with my now ex. We were together about 8-9 months. He was my first sexual experience and first real kiss.
Obviously from the word ex, we are no longer together. We haven't been together for about a year and half. Last time I saw him was April 2019.
I gave myself a year to not even worry about dating. Really threw myself into me - hobbies, exercise, all that jazz. Also, about three months after the breakup, another guy asked me out, and without even thinking about it, I said, "You're just going to dump me in a couple of months over Facebook messenger so let's not."....So bitter. I was just not ready to try again, and I just don't want to rebound. Not that every dating situation has to have be super serious, but I just needed more time to get my head right. I would never want someone to feel like I used them to avoid bad emotions.
I was in therapy from about March - August 2020. I finally expressed some anger over my ex, and I have defintely noticed that bad feelings have run out of steam to some degree. There's a little bit less of him in every day, which I like. I just want to feel progress, is all. I've learned to let go of timelines to some degree, and everyone goes at their own pace, but at the same time, I don't want to stay stuck on someone who didn't want to be with me.
But even with all that - I just don't want to be on the apps or really invest in romantic relationships right now. My therapist was wondering about whether or not being on both anti-depressants and birth control could trigger my lack of sex drive. Which, frankly, the answer is undoubtedly yes. Plus the stress of a pandemic. I tried the apps for maybe this summer, and ....eh. I didn't care, and no guy seemed interested in forming friendships to see where things go. I don't really need a boyfriend. I'm not waiting for my ex to come back, but I just want friends and to be open.
When I approached my psychiatrist about a potential change in antidepressants, my heart wasn't really in it. I was okay with just bringing it up and checking in after six months. My birth control has to stay the same or within a degree the same because it's real purpose is to treat my cystic acne.
But when I sat down and thought about it, reflected on it, I've never been super sexual. Like when I am into someone, I am SUPER into them. I have to pace myself. Aging has helped with that, I can feel the way I have matured into pacing, courtship, and letting men demonstrate that they're into you. But as I've grown up, found joy in other places than romantic relationships, I'm not sure I care that my sex drive seems low to others.
I don't think there is a demisexual test. One of the things that I like about thinking about sexuality on a spectrum is that it allows for a wide-open experience with so many gradients.
But is there anyone out there in the demisexual community that has had any similar issues with mental health/breakups/antidepressants/birth control? Like it's just so confusing and hard to say, because the effects of antidepressants and birth control on libido is well documented. But when I started reading more into demisexuality, I really clicked with it. It felt like I wasn't a circus freak.
submitted by PresentLink2799 to demisexuality [link] [comments]

2020.10.28 12:12 DiwaneAbduluwrubiya Love thy neighbours, brozzers!!!!

A common belief spread among Muslims is that we hate the sin but not the sinner (this belief is also widespread in other religions)

Examples of this belief being spread can be found in the following places, which seem to be popular among the Muslims:

Therefore, Muslims have been commanded to love their neighbors as themselves, whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims

Muslims have been taught to hate the evil deeds people commit, but not the people themselves.

That is, Allah has made a condition of faith the hatred of unbelief (kufr) but not hatred of the unbeliever (kafir). In other words, Muslims hate the sin but not the sinner

Rather, Muslims only hate sinful deeds but not the people who commit them.

[abuaminaelias: are-muslims-taught-to-hate-the-infidels-or-to-love-their-neighbors]

Therefore, we should love goodness for sinners and consequently hate to see them sinning. In other words, we should love the sinner and hate the sin. This the correct way to “hate for the sake of Allah” as it was the method of the righteous predecessors (salaf al-salih) in dealing with people who disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.
[abuaminaelias: love-the-sinner-hate-the-sin-in-islam]

In brief, hatred for the sake of Allah means to hate evil, sin, and unbelief. It does not mean to hate unbelievers and sinners in the sense of desiring to harm them

Hating unbelief, of course, does not mean we should hate unbelievers or want to hurt them. It means hating evil actions and the sins by which they wrong their own souls
[ustin-parrott: heavenly-affection-living-the-love-of-al-wadud]

Some Muslims make a huge mistake by expanding the prohibition of affection to oppressors as if it were the general rule for all non-Muslims
[found in a facebook post: 2212827275434899]

Anyone who views the evidences they use to arrive at these claims will understand how flawed their claims are and how misleading they can be for the Muslims.

Shaykh Haytham Sayfaddîn shared the facebook post from "Abu Amina Elias" (aka Justin Parrot), in 2018, and said:

More falsehood from people at Yaqeen institute for Islamic research. Texts of the Qur'ān & Sunnah are put aside, as are the words of the Ṣaḥābah & the Scholars after them. Instead, words of someone from this century are used. I addressed this years ago, but people don't seem to take things seriously. This stuff is spreading and most do nothing to stop it. In any case, an ACTUAL analysis of the Texts can be found here:
the book can be found on "sunnah studies" 's archive section on archive org

[The following text will be quoted from his book:]

Allâh Hates the Disbelievers

هُوَ الَّذِي جَعَلَكُمْ خَلَائِفَ فِي الْأَرْضِ فَمَن كَفَرَ فَعَلَيْهِ كُفْرُهُ وَلَا يَزِيدُ الْكَافِرِينَ كُفْرُهُمْ عِندَ رَبِّهِمْ إِلَّا مَقْتًا وَلَا يَزِيدُ الْكَافِرِينَ كُفْرُهُمْ إِلَّا خَسَارً

He it is Who has made you successors; generations after generations in the earth, so whosoever disbelieves, on him will be his disbelief. And the disbelief of the disbelievers adds nothing but hatred (Maqt) with their Lord. And the disbelief of the disbelievers adds nothing but loss.
[ Sûrat Fâṭir, 39 ]

The linguist, Ibn al-Manṭhûr (d. 711 H.) said: “Ibn Sîdah said: ‘Al-Maqt is the most extreme form of hate.’” [ “Lisân al-‘Arab”, Mâddah: Ma Qa Ta ]

And Imâm Abû Ḥayyân Muḥammad Ibn Yûsuf al-Andalusî (d. 745 H.) stated: “And Maqt is the most extreme contempt, hatred and anger.” [ “Tafsîr al-Baḥr al-Muḥît”, Vol. 7/302 ]

And Imâm Ibn Kathîr (d. 774 H.) stated: “In other words, as long as they remain upon their kufr, Allâh Hates them.” [ “Tafsîr al-Qur’ân al-’Athîm”, Vol. 11/337 ]

When Allâh Hates Someone, He Commands the Angels to Do the Same

On the authority of Abû Hurayrah , رضي الله عنه , that the Messenger of Allâh , صلى الله عليه وسلم , said:

“Indeed, when Allâh Loves a slave, He Calls to Jibrîl and says: ‘Indeed, I Love so and so; so, love him. ’Then Jibrîl begins to love him. Then he makes an announcement in the Heaven saying: ‘Allâh Loves so and so, so love him.’ And then the inhabitants of the Heaven (i.e. the Angels) also begin to love him. And then acceptance for Him is placed upon the earth. And when He Hates a slave, He calls Jibrîl and says: ‘Indeed, I Hate so and so; so, hate him.’ Then Jibrîl begins to hates him. Then he makes an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the Heaven: ‘Indeed, Allâh Hates so and so, so hate him.’ So,they hate him. Then hatred for him is placed upon the earth.” [ Collected by Muslim (#2,637) ]

The Prophets, عليهم الصلاة والسلام , and Believers Hate the Disbelievers

قَدْ كَانَتْ لَكُمْ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ فِي إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَالَّذِينَ مَعَهُ إِذْ قَالُوا لِقَوْمِهِمْ إِنَّا بُرَآءُ مِنكُمْ وَمِمَّا تَعْبُدُونَ مِن دُونِ اللَّهِ كَفَرْنَا بِكُمْ وَبَدَا بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَكُمُ الْعَدَاوَةُ وَالْبَغْضَاءُ أَبَدًا حَتَّىٰ تُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَحْدَهُ إِلَّا قَوْلَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ لِأَبِيهِ لَأَسْتَغْفِرَنَّ لَكَ وَمَا أَمْلِكُ لَكَ مِنَ اللَّهِ مِن شَيْءٍ رَّبَّنَا عَلَيْكَ تَوَكَّلْنَا وَإِلَيْكَ أَنَبْنَا وَإِلَيْكَ الْمَصِير

{Indeed, there has been an excellent example for you in Ibrâhim and those with him, when they said to their people: “Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allâh, we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever, until you believe in Allâh Alone,” except the statement of Ibrâhim to his father: “Verily, I will ask for forgiveness for you, but I have no power to do anything for you before Allâh.” Our Lord! In Youwe put our trust, and to You we turn in repentance, and to You is the final Return.}
[ Sûrat al-Mumtaḥinah, 4 ]

Imâm Ibn Kathîr (d. 774 H.) stated: “‘...and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred forever... ’Meaning; And enmity and hatred has begun from now, between us and you, as long as you are upon your disbelief. So, we will always disavow ourselves from you and hate you.”
[ “Tafsîr al-Qur’ân al-’Athîm”, Vol. 13/513 ]

The Ṣaḥâbah, رضي الله عنهم, Hated the Disbelievers

On the authority of Abû Mûsâ al-Ash’arî , رضي الله عنه , in a long Ḥadîth in which Asmâ’ Bint ‘Umays was visiting Ḥafṣah Bint ‘Umar Ibn al-Khaṭṭâb, a discussion took place between ‘Umar Ibn al-Khaṭṭâb and Asmâ’ Bint ‘Umays concerning whether those who made Hijrah to Al-Ḥabashah away from the Messenger of Allâh , صلى الله عليه وسلم, had more right to him than those who made Hijrah to Al-Madînah with him. In this discussion, ‘Umar said:

We have migrated before you, so we have more right than you to the Messenger of Allâh, صلى الله عليه وسلم , On that, she became angry and said: “You lied, O ‘Umar. No, by Allâh, while you were with the Messenger of Allâh, صلى الله عليه وسلم, who was feeding the hungry amongst you and advising the ignorant amongst you, we were in the state...”or “...in theland of those who were distant and hated – in Al-Ḥabashah, and that was for Allâh and for His Messenger.”
[ Collected by Al-Bukhârî (#4,230) and Muslim (#2,637) ]

In explaining this Ḥadîth, Al-Qâdhî ‘Iyâdh al-Mâlikî (d. 544) stated: “They were called ‘distant’ due to their lineage being far from the lineage of the Arabs. And they were called ‘hated’ due to the difference in the two religions.”
[ “Mashâriq al-Anwâr ‘Alâ Ṣiḥâḥ al-Âthâr”, Vol. 1/96 ]

And Imâm An-Nawawî (d. 676 H.) stated: “Her statement: ‘We were in the land of those who were distant and hated...’ The scholars have stated: those who were distant; in their lineage. Those who were hated; in their religion, because they were disbelievers...’”
[ “Al-Minhâj Sharḥ Ṣaḥîḥ Muslim Ibn al-Ḥajjâj”, Vol. 4/1946 ]

They state that this statement was made by a Companion, in front of two Companions; one of whom was a wife of the Prophet, صلى الله عليه وسلم , and one who was the second Rightly Guided Khalîfah. And there is no mention of any objection ever being made to this.

And one should keep in mind that this was in the land of Al-Ḥabashah, where the Muslims were given safe haven and whose people were from amongst the People of the Book. Therefore, their hate had nothing to do with harming Muslims in general or personal harm toward the Ṣaḥâbah.

And on the authority of Jâbir Ibn ‘Abdillâh that he said:

“Allâh, عزّ وجلّ‎ , Gave Khaybar to the Messenger of Allâh, صلى الله عليه وسلم , as Fay’ (i.e. spoils of war taken without actual fighting). So, the Messenger of Allâh, صلى الله عليه وسلم , left them (i.e. the Jews) in it as they were and divided it between himself and them. Then, he sent ‘Abdullâh Ibn Rawâḥah, who estimated its (orchards’) worth for them. Then he said to them: ‘O Jews; you are the most hated of creation to me: You killed the Prophets of Allâh, عزّ وجلّ‎ , and you lied upon Allâh. However, my hatred for you will not lead me to be unjust toward you. I have estimated its worth at twenty thousand Wasqs (i.e. a unit of measurement) of dates. So, if you wish, it is for you. And if you refuse, then it is for me.’ So, they said: ‘It is upon this (i.e. justice) that the heavens and the earth are upheld. We will take it, so leave us.’”
[Collected by ‘Abdur-Razzâq (#7,205), Ibn Abî Shaybah (#10,664), Aḥmad (#14,208) and Abû Dâwûd (#3414). This Ḥadîthis authenticate. (it goes into more detail concerning the authenticity of the hadith in the footnotes in the actual book) ]

The Scholars of the Ummah Have Affirmed This Concept throughout History

They mention a number of statements, from amongst them are:

Imâm Ibn al-Ḥâj al-Mâlikî (d. 373 H.) stated: “And it is obligatory on every Muslim to hate, for the sake of Allâh, all those who disbelieve in Him.”
[ “Al-Madkhal”, Vol. 2/47 ]

And Imâm Al-’Izz Ibn ‘Abdis-Salâm ash-Shâfi’î (d. 660) stated: “It is obligatory upon the judges to show equality toward the plaintiffs in the way they turn away from and toward them, and so on. Because bringing one forward (before the other) will necessitate jealousy and hatred in the chest of the other. And this is not implemented with regards to the Muslim and the disbeliever. This is because his crime against his self through his disbelief held him back,and obligated hating and humiliating him.”
[ “Qawâ’id al-Aḥkâm Fi Maṣâliḥ al-Anâm”, Vol. 1/72 ]

And Imâm Ibn Taymiyyah (d. 728 H.) stated: “Whoever does not accept that after Muḥammad, صلى الله عليه وسلم, was Sent, no one is a Muslim except those who believe in him and follow him inwardly and outwardly, then he is not a Muslim. And whoever does not forbid following the religion of the Jews and the Christians, after he, صلى الله عليه وسلم, was sent, in fact, even those who do not declare them disbelievers and those who do not hate them, then they are not Muslims, according to the agreement of the Muslims.”
[ “Majmû’ al-Fatâwâ”, Vol. 7/464 ]

And Imâm Taqiyyuddîn as-Subkî (d. 756 H.) said: “And it is clear that the pure and sound souls do not hate or have enmity except for a reason; either related to them or to someone who loves them or whom they love. And by this way isour enmity towards the disbelievers,because of their behaviour toward to the One who is more beloved to us than ourselves.”
[ “Fatâwâ as-Subkî”, Vol. 2/476 ]

And Imâm Ibn Abil-‘Izz al-Ḥanafî (d. 792 H.) stated: “And Allâh does not love the traitors and He does not love those who spread corruption and He does not love those who are proud. And we also do not love them, and we hate them, out of obedience to Him, سبحانه وتعالىٰ‎."
[ “Sharḥ al-’Aqîdah aṭ-Ṭaḥâwiyyah”, Vol. 2/431 ]

And Imâm Muḥammad Ibn Aḥmad ash-Shirbînî ash-Shâfi’î (d. 977 H.) stated: “And it is forbidden to have love for the disbeliever, due to His, تعالىٰ ,'s statement: ‘You will not find any people who believe in Allâh and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allâh and His Messenger...’”
[ “Al-Iqnâ’ Fî Ḥall Alfâth Abî Shujâ’”, Vol. 2/574 ]

And Shaykh Muḥammad Ibn Aḥmad ‘Alîsh al-Mâlikî al-Azharî (d. 1299 H.) stated: “The selves of the Muslims innately hate the disbelievers.”
[ “Minḥ al-Jalîl Sharḥ Mukhtasar Khalîl”, Vol. 3/150 ]

The book then goes on to the section of " Arguments for Hate Being Merely for the Disbelief " and explores the strength of the arguments used by those who state that hate is merely for disbelief.
submitted by DiwaneAbduluwrubiya to librandu [link] [comments]

2020.10.28 11:24 Asmo41 Hey there my dear, sweet Mother...I wish so badly that we could communicate...I have no family, no friends... I'm now a single father of two boys, 8 and 3...And I'm failing them miserably. Just like I failed you. I feel so defeated... I can't even feel Heavenly Father anymore, Momma...What do I do?!

Dear Momma..
I'm sorry for writing such a terribly long message...I know it's long, but please please PLEASE read it! I need more help now than I EVER have in my ENTIRE LIFE...
I miss you so so SO terribly...I cry for you almost every single day... My wife makes fun of me constantly about it and says I need to grow up and "cut the cord already".... But I can't.. you were my best friend, the one who took care of me when nobody else would, you were my Mother...
I'm going through such a hard time here.... I'm completely alone.... How can I give your grandsons the lives they deserve? How? I feel so completely defeated. I'm a failure. A complete and utter failure.... And the saddest thing is that I actually miss "her"... My soon to be ex wife... The woman that took every single bit of heat, joy, soul, confidence, light, self-esteem, and motivation that I possibly had, and then ate it all for breakfast on her way out the door...
How do people do this? How do severely disabled people provide with such low income? Can't get approved for anything! Vehicle, washer and dryer, a credit card, NOTHING! I have countless medical bills and debt which I don't even understand because I have medicare and medicaid that cover almost everything...I just don't know what to do anymore mom...I miss you, I need you, I'm so alone.. I'm so sorry for failing you, for failing my wife, and for failing my sweet, Innocent, angelic baby boys...
One of the worst parts, I think, is lying in bed at night. Alone. With nothing but your brain to remind me over and over of just how much I've lost.
Forgive me for how I worded this Mom, I don't know why I did some in first person, some in third, I'm sorry.
Haunting me with memories of such wonderful, magical, special, emotional, and spiritual moments.... Especially one I'll NEVER forget. .We were holding one another's hand during the first appointment of the pregnancy...squeezing each other's fingers, kissing, grinning from ear to ear, trying to stay as quiet as we possibly can as the OBGYN runs the fetal doppler across the beautiful pregnant belly of the breathtakingly glowing woman whose hand your holding....
The woman that decided you were more than enough for her. The woman that knowingly offered up her body as a place for your child to grow... Despite knowing EXACTLY what the ravages of pregnancy does to a woman's body.. But none of that mattered.. Because to that woman, it was a small price to pay for even just the chance of an eternity of conflict and bliss with the ones she loved most in this universe....
In that moment , the seconds dragged on as the OBGYN moved the doppler back and forth over her belly... Back and forth... Back and forth... mixed with the painful prod from the pressure of the doppler and the occasional: "Hmmmm" or "Huh..." said by the OBGYN...I remember the look in her eyes when she asked: "Shouldn't we be hearing the heartbeat by now?" The doctor responded "Sometimes it just takes a little bit. Don't worry. You never know what crazy position they're in!" That gave us a little bit of relief, but not for long, because the dragging of time was back in full force and the seconds went on and on.
My wife looked up at me, and she couldn't hide the pain and fear she was feeling any longer when the tears streamed down her face.
I leaned in closely and told her: "Honey, everything is going to be alright...I promise you."
"And what if it's not though? ....What then? We were so damn childish that we didn't even think of this scenario! We just automatically EXPECTED everything to work out like we're in a Disney movie or something!!"
She started to cry even more. I leaned in, kissed her forehead, and I said: "No matter what happens... If the outcome is bad... We can't punish ourselves for something we couldn't control.... You can't blame yourself sweetheart... You are the strongest, bravest, kindest, most beautiful, most intelligent person I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon... And regardless of the good of bad, we WILL get through this. Together. Like we have when we've faced every other trial thrown our way. Depending on how things go, our hearts may be broken for a long long time, and may never be the same, sure, but you know what? You're not alone. I'll always be there. I wouldn't want to go through this trial with any other being in this entire universe, just you... Because "You...Are...The only exception..."
She was crying a different kind of cry now, and tears of joy mixed with the tears she had cried earlier, and with a big ol' smile from ear to ear she said: "You are so damn cheesy, you know that?" Then she laughed a little, and with a sigh said: "Together forever. No matter what. Eternal companions... You're my only exception." Then she kissed my forehead and giggled at the lipstick lips that were left behind... (She didn't tell me about that until we got home.... Now I know why everyone kept calling me "Lover boy" on our way out!)
It was almost like magic. As soon as she planted that dark purple smooch on my forehead, everyone in the room jumped out of their skin when they heard a loud noise that came out of nowhere!
"Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh"
Everybody erupted into cheer and we felt blessed beyond measure, truly happy. It was honestly, blissful.
Flash forward a bit, and here we are 10 years later, and so much has changed...
First, we were blessed with two handsome little boys that have truly given us a run for our money in every. Single. Way. Possible. Lol...
And second,.... That beautiful woman that said I was enough for her, enough for all eternity... Became a completely different person. The stress of life, growing up too fast, childhood trauma, and religious pressures and ideation caused her to silently crack, and I didn't even have a clue.
I became extremely I'll and was practically bed ridden for months and months... And during that time, I watched my sweet sweet wife become a putrid shadow of her former self. If I needed to use the restroom, and would yell for help out of bed?... Ignored.... If i continued, and my yells turned to screams? She would yell "Ooooh just DIE ALREADY!!" As she sent our son to close the bedroom door. He would tell her no, but she would yell and force him to do it. So he would walk to the door with his head down low, and whisper: "I'm sorry Daddy 😔"....
She eventually started being gone a lot. Refused to say where she was going, with who, why, or even if she would be back. She also refused to give me a copy of the apartment key, so I couldn't go anywhere even if I did feel well enough...She would constantly have my SUV, and would leave me without a vehicle, so it's not like I could get anywhere anyways... And even if I wanted to? My measly disability check I received every month was gone to rent, utilities, and internet almost as fast as it was deposited. So I never had a penny to my name. She would pay the phone bill, and was SUPPOSED to buy groceries, but instead she would eat out before coming home and then go straight to bed.
We loved it when she was gone.... But I stupidly would miss her too. We would all get excited to when she would walk through the door... Only to be instantly disappointed by her rudeness, cruelty, and lack of any empathy whatsoever. Things only escalated from there...I eventually was starting to get my strength back, and was able to get up and down myself. If I would venture out of the bedroom to eat, get a drink, basically do anything, I would hear: "Hmph...So you haven't killed yourself yet?!" Without even looking up from her hourly scrolling of Facebook. "You know that nobody would miss you, right?"...
To which my poor son, who sadly was sitting right next to her, would say: "THAT'S NOT TRUE!! I WOULD!!!!"
She'd continue ...."Honestly, you'd be doing us all a favor!"
Then it turned into throwing things, like a butter knife at my face, just completely randomly as she was walking away...I wasn't even saying a word, just sitting and eating my cereal...kicking my legs, elbowing me, punching my stomach or chest, and my absolute least favorite two - punching my throat and punching my groin....I hated that so much... Andevery. single. time. She'd say: "OOOOH GET OVER IIIIIIT!!!!" "Are you sure you even have a set of balls down there for me to hit, anyways?" or "I used to watch my brothers do that to each other Constantly like it was a game or something, and I NEVER saw any of them bitch out like you do, lol!!!"
Honestly, throughout the last 4 years of our marriage, there's just way too much to say... She got admitted to the psychiatric unit on hold, then she ran off in the middle of the night with our oldest because I confronted her about missing money, all of my doctor's and therapists reporting her for àbuse to a vulnerable person and me STUPIDLY lying to them about everything so she wouldn't get in trouble because I didn't want the boys to lose their mom...Her attempting suicide by overdosing on medication and my oldest being the one to find her....
When she recovered, she told me: "Do you even know why I did it?...I wanted the boys to find me. I wanted them to find me so that they would blame you for killing their mother, effectively destroying your relationship, resulting in them HATING you for the rest of their lives!!"... That one blew my mind....I didn't even know how to respond other then by telling her she was a selfish little girl.... That she didn't deserve to be a mother, that she was rotten to her very soul, and to stop destroying the mine and the boys lives and GET SOME HELP!".... Little did I know my oldest was right there standing in the hallway, listening to every single word we said, and I didn't know it... And no matter what I've tried, he's never forgiven her since.
It got to the point where if I would try to bring up my issues, she would reply with: "What are you talking abooooout?...I would never do those things! That's just NOT who I am!!!" I would get so freaking frustrated because I know what I experienced, I know the complete HELL she put my boys and I through for years... She would say:
"Hmmm If you keep saying things like that, I'm going to have to call your doctor and let them know that you're imagining things.... Because that's just not healthy at all and I don't want you being a danger to yourself or to the boys and I."
I would beg and plead with her: "Why are you doing this to us?!? To me?!?! Do you hate me?!? What have i done to you to deserve this?!?" Once she said: "You exist. That's what you've done." And sometimes she would say: "Oh boo hoo...I can't believe I married such a sensitive little woman... Buck up bitch tits!"
She started something knew within the last 2 years. I think it was because she felt threatened. That's why she said "Do I need to tell your doctor?" Too because she was inadvertantly trying to threaten me. She would randomly start these AWFUL awful arguments by randomly doing awful things.... And then she would talk terribly to me, wait for me to retaliate, and then right before I did, secretly turn her phone camera on and record me. I knew something was up because her entire tone and demeanor would become so sweet and scared.... Who does things like that?!?
I eventually broke down and lost my will to live. I believed her that it was all in my head. Why would my sweet wife do something like this to me on purpose? Everyone I tried to tell and beg for help, had flat out told me: "What?... Are you serious right now?... There's just no way. Knock this off, right now. There's two in a marriage, take some of the blame yourself!" or "That's not the woman I know. That's just impossible... I'm going to be honest and let you know that I don't believe you. I believe that you may THINK you were abused, but yeah... Everyone knows she is just not capable of anything even remotely like that....."
These were SERIOUSLY my OWN friends and family... Do you realize how badly it hurts when your own brothers and sisters have stopped talking to you because your abusive wife has convinced them that your crazy and that she is "Working SO hard to take care of him, AND this family and household.... But it's just do difficult and I don't know how much longer I can do it! But I know... That God provides a way....God will give me strength."
When I heard her say that...I wanted to vomit in my own mouth. One day, something happened that was the final straw.
She had failed to yield and completely totalled my SUV....I was grateful that I had full coverage and could use the check from the price of the vehicle to get me another one... Well, weeks go by and I ask if she had heard anything..."No I haven't. Sorry." And that was that. I would try to check her card and she would get mad at me and be really secretive.
One morning, I called the insurance company and then had told me that the check had already been made out and deposited... But for some reason into HER ACCOUNT!!! So, I had to talk to her about it... And I didn't want to. At all. I decided to log into her banking app to check, and sure enough.... Not only had she gotten it and deposited it, but she had blown almost all of it to.... Within two weeks!! Oh! There's our income tax return deposit I've been looking for!!! Thousands and thousands that could of been used to better our lives, better our family... GONE!! All for nothing more than fast food, eating out with friends and treating them, clothes, makeup, and taxi rides because she "didn't feel like walking"....
Well! Now it was time to be a big girl because BILLS WERE DUE!!! And I was planning on using some of that money FOR bills, or else I wouldn't of used my monthly disability check to pay off random debt and payments because I was trying to build our credit score... And of course I hear: "You said I didn't have to worry about anything like that! So it's not my problem, you figure it out!"
Of course I got angry, of course I yelled, and of course I felt bad about it... My oldest came and gave me a hug and then said he was going to give his mommy a hug too and so I followed him into her room and watched him go to give her a hug, and that's when I watched her proceed to punch him in the chest extremely hard, it looked like with all her strength, while yelling; "I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!"
I of course yelled at her, grabbed my son and corded her door. When he had caught his breath and stopped crying....I looked at him and I realized that I was just as much to blame for ALL of this.... Not only that, I was enabling her to put my son's in harm's way.... It was just like I was doing all of this myself... I'm not saying I'm innocent completely... But.... I think I'm finally starting to see that I didn't deserve all of this....a lot of it I did, but not ALL OF IT...I got very sick and wasn't able to give her and the boys the lives they DESERVED....I was no longer bringing in money, and all the stress went onto her shoulders...
When we found out that I more than likely would never be able to work again, all her dreams of a bright future went up in smoke... White picket fence included... And she cracked... By marrying her, I agreed to provide for her and our future children... When I suddenly couldn't, she completely resented me and hated me for the fact that she no longer could be around the boys......
She never had much of a mothering instinct anyways though.... The first week of each of the boys births, they ended up being cared for by me and slept in my arms until they were old enough for their own beds. My youngest doesn't have an attachment to her really at all... When he was born, she would get so angry during breastfeeding because he would detach and make a mess... Well, it was because he was "tongue tied". She would get upset and push him away quickly, do this weird slapping thing on his forehead while saying "No no no no!" And then leave him there to scream, refusing to breastfeed him and would say: "This is MY body!!! NOT HIS!!" she would refuse to pump at work because it was "too much work and too embarrassing!" "I feel like a cow!" So what she would do is feed him all night, but not in the day.. and if I even brought up supplementing with formula, she would turn into a raving banshee and say "I'M NOT A BAD MOTHER!!!" over and over before slamming the door behind her. That night we waited for her to go to sleep to feed the baby, and my oldest and I devised a plan.
The baby was now lethargic, not crying as much, not crying tears, and not filling diapers like he should. Unacceptable. My oldest and I called a cab and snuck away to the store. We purchased multiple bottles, nipples, and different types of formulas that the pediatrician recommended. Once home we found the PERFECT hiding spot, and we waited. The next day when she went to work, I picked my son up, looked at him in the eyes, and I swore to him, on my life, on my very soul, that I would NEVER allow ANYONE to hurt them again.... And guess what? After that day, he was aCOMPLETELY different baby....a happy baby boy. Gained weight, acid reflux went away, tears came back, filled his diapers, and I started just completely taking over with him. I wasn't going to let her hurt him again.
I had decided enough was enough. I decided to go to my Bishop (my local church leader) and tell him everything..... Finally... Someone believed me... He says he was there for me, and not to be scared...I couldn't stop crying... We decided to call her in and talk to her... And when we did, she refused to acknowledge anything... And I mean AAAANYYYTHIIIING! she told the Bishop: "I can understand how he could think he was abused... But honestly he's not only really sensitive... But his medical issues have made his mind just not where it should be"... Instantly my bishops whole demeanor changed and he no longer seemed like he really believed what I was saying... And I felt so freaking defeated...I couldn't believe it... In my next meeting with him, it was like he didn't believe me at all anymore. He is a really nice guy, don't get me wrong, but all of this is nothing more than "he said,she said" there's no way to prove ANY OF IT!!! And his wife happens to be friends with my wife, so of course things weren't going to go well for me...
A few days after that meeting, my oldest son ran into my room and said: " Dad, mom took us somewhere, to some place, and I had to listen to her lie about EVERYTHING Dad... I'm serious! Here's the folder if the paperwork they gave her." .. Well, it turns out, my wonderfuly kind and loving wife got scared after that meeting with our Bishop, and was scared she was going to get caught. So what did she do? She went to the one place she knew she would instantly be believed no matter what..."CAPSA", which stands for "COMMUNITY ABUSE PREVENTION SERVICE AGENCY"
It's a wonderful place that helps people in domestic violence situations find help. Shelter, help with restraining orders, therapy etc. As I was looking through this folder, my son tells me: "Daddy, I'm not even kidding you... Mom told them that everything she has been doing to you, me, and little brother..., that it was YOU doing it to MOM, me, and little brother instead!!!! She cried and told them all of that stuff daddy!! Why would she lie like that?!"
I was wanting to say that I couldn't believe she would do that... But honestly, I could....I called her out on it and why on the paper did the case worker quote my wife as saying: "I don't feel safe. I'm scared for myself!" And my wife couldn't believe I found that...she knew that she was completely willing to toootally screw me over royally with nothing more than a completely evil LIE and watch me burn for her sins.... And her reply?...:"oh! I have no idea why she wrote that! Because what I actually meant was that I didn't feel safe EMOTIONALLY And that I was scared for myself EMOTIONALLY....I don't know why she put that.."
I flat out told her that I knew exactly what she was doing. That she was a liar, and how could she do this after ten years....4 years of the boys and I dealing with her after she sold her soul to the devil....
So I did it. I told her I wanted a divorce and that she needed to leave. It was almost like that was what she was waiting for or something... Because two months later, I went to take a nap with the boys, any when we woke up, she was gone.. And she had completely destroyed our home... Took the washer and dryer, and left me without any way to EVER afford to get one, left me without a vehicle and any way to EVER afford to get one.... You can't get one on disability anyways because they can't garnish disability if you default your car payment.... Anyways, she just destroyed everything.... Spilled moldy rotten water all over the carpets, had all of her friends and family come help her and let them keep their dirty shoes on... Left trash EVERYWHERE old dirty clothes EVERYWHERE... And everything was just tossed from here to there in random places... It was just disgraceful...I was embarrassed...
Then I had to hold my oldest son as he cried himself back to sleep because his mommy didn't even say goodbye....a week later she came back to get the boys for visitation....I tried calling the police, but they said that she has just as much right to them... So she came up with a schedule that made it 60/40 me 60% of the time on her work days, and her 40% of the time on her days off.... Within a month she had changed it multiple multiple times... And that's when my oldest started locking himself in the bedroom when she came to pick them up, and screaming that he didn't want to go... And my youngest would start screaming crying and saying: "NOOOO! THIS IS MINE HOME! I DON'T WANNA GO TO MOM'S HOUSE! MOM HIT ME BAD! REAL HARD LIKE UGH! UGH! UGH! AND SHE SAY "YOU GO TO BED LITTLE BOY!" AND HIT ME UGH! UGH! UGH! " (that's him fake hitting himself everywhere she does)
One night my wife had called to talk to the boys, and she wanted to know why my oldest said he didn't feel safe with her... And he told her why and he said "Mom... We just can't live with you... We just can't. We're not happy... At! All! This is our home, here with Daddy. Just Daddy, me, little brother, and Pupperoni..(My service dog lol) She got upset and kept pushing it and he said he was going to hang up on her. I told him not to do it, but she interrupted me and said "NOOOO NOOO IT'S OK! IT'S FINE! IF HE WANTS TO HANG UP ON ME THAT'S FINE! THAT'S HIS RIGHT! IF THAT'S HOW HE FEELS, THEN HE HAS MY PERMISSION!" "BUT I JUST WANT TO LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH I LOV---click"
He had hung up on her and said: "I just don't want to hear her anymore. I'm done with her. She is a big liar. She lies to everyone!!! It doesn't matter if it's her friends OR family... She doesn't care....All she wants to do is start fights, play on her phone, see her friends, and hang out with her boyfriend (There is this guy she's been "friends" with since the end of 2019. She says that she has just been helping him through a hard time after his divorce, but she started staying out late with him, picking him up from bars, texting Constantly, movie dates, babysitting his daughters at his mother's house, becoming best friends with this guy's mother, and even inviting him to our youngest son's birthday celebration instead of even TELLING ME and keeping it A COMPLETE secret from me... Shady stuff)
The next day, she was supposed to pick the boys up to take them to a Halloween activity. She text me that morning saying: "You go ahead and have fun with the boys. I suggest taking them to that Halloween activity they will like it a lot. I'm going to give our oldest son time to sort out his feelings, and it will give me time to sort out mine too. The last thing I want to do is make him upset."
I knew this was going to break his heart... Because he was going to use that time to let his mom know how he felt in his heart about everything and hopefully start a new chapter with GOOD feelings GOOD energy.... So I tried to contact her aaaaall daaaay... No replies....I even said that I would pay for a cab to pick us up, go to her apartment to pick her up (so she could get a break from driving) and then go buy hot coco and treats, then head to the Halloween activity!... But still no reply...I tried telling her how heartbroken the boys were going to be... No reply...
So finally around 8 at night, 8 tried calling again and she answers...She has a completely monotone voice and is being rude, short, and bitter... So I ask her what the heck is going on and the boys are waiting for her and we SO EXCITED and she was going to break their hearts!... And her response?: "oh really?... Good for them....I don't care! Nobody cares about MY heart breaking!....(I then said let's just all go, or I can stay home, and I'll pay for everything if she will just go with the boys, I don't want their hearts broken any more, they've gone through WAY.TOO.MUCH.!!!) Ummm.... Did you NOT understand my text?.. No thanks!... I'm busy anyways. I'm out having a good time for ME!"
I end up just wanting to hang up, but before I did I said: "You do realize that you are severing the very last threads of attachment that those two boys have for you, right? I've told you A BILLION times before, the court will NOT give you any custody if you do not become a team player, and try to give the boys as much of a normal family life as we possibly can... If you keep this up, keep fighting me every step of the way, keep fighting to make it so when you have the boys I basically don't exist, then the court is going to frown on that!! They will see that you are, and always have been, looking out for yourself only!! You are their mother, yes, but I am their father! The both of us will always be in each other's lives until one of us dies, but until then, we're stuck with each other!"
Then she says: "Oh yeah? No no no, it doesn't work that way... See, I want to be in their lives, but I want YOU OUT of ours COMPLETELY!!! I just haven't quite figured out how to do that yet... Thanks for the heads up... No really...I appreciate that! Can I go now?..."
I started to tell her not to call back until she can be kind to her son's and stop breaking their hearts... But she hung up on me. Of course, my sneaky oldest boy had snuck in and heard everything, and he was crying...I apologized for him not being able to go to the Halloween activity and spend time with his momma.. And he says: "No daddy, it's not that at all... Yes i wanted to take little brother, yes I was wanting to talk to mom... But that's not why I'm crying.... I'm crying because I'm tired of this and I'm tired of her. Every time we start to get happy and finally fell peace around here, she does something like this!... We're never going to feel at peace are we daddy? She's always going to be doing something like this isn't she? She's always going to keep coming after us, threatening us, threatening to take us away from you somehow without a care in the world how she does it! She'll lie about any little thing! And now it sounds like she might do something crazy to you or us! You know how I keep having that nightmare that she's gonna kill all of us and then herself!!"
I just hugged him, kissed his forehead, and told him that no little boy should ever have to see, hear, feel, think about, or experience ANYTHING like this, EVER!... And that from now on, I want him to promise me he won't sneak in to hear... he promised ...and we went and had a big cup of hot coco with baby brother, watched a Halloween movie, then went to bed. She hasn't called or came to get them for the schedule ever since... She has left two little voice clips on Facebook messenger saying that she loves the boys....
I just feel like I'm about to have a heart attack... I'm so so so so SOOOOO stressed out!! I'm scared she is gonna do something dangerous to herself or to us! I'm scared that she's plotting something crazy! I'm scared she's planning something , manipulating something, lying about something in order to get the boys and get custody of them!!
She knows that I don't have their car seats because she has them, so she knows I can't take a cab anywhere.... She knows I can't drive anywhere because she totalled my vehicle and her friend just gave her one...I don't even have a washer or dryer so that my boys can have clean clothes!!!! I have cerebral palsy, and a multitude of other issues and can't walk long distances at all, especially with a 3 year old, also I am immunodeficient/immunocompromised whatever it's called lol, and so I can't really do "much" as far as leaving the house goes...
I spent the last of my money on getting groceries delivered after I paid bills... My phone is through xfinity mobile and is in my wife's name, but it just got shut off today because she didn't pay the bill, and they refuse to let me transfer the phone over to my own account to keep making payments to pay it off and then just have my own phone bill added to my internet account...I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT HALLOWEEN BECAUSE I'M A TERRIBLE FATHER!!!! Ugghhhh and I don't have money to get my sweet boys costumes....I have absolutely ZERO idea on what to do to protect myself and protect these boys, or what to do to make it so she can't take them away, or what to do to make it so she can't lie anymore and get away with it....
How am I ever going to do this? I'm a disabled single father of two boys, 3 and 8 years old...I make $617.00 a month to survive on. I can't afford a safe, reliable, lasting vehicle that can carry a car seat, booster seat, my wheelchair, and I (that's why I had an SUV), and nooooow I have to completely buy a new phone and get new service because since this phone is still on payments, it's going to get blacklisted and can't be transferred and they won't allow me to continue to make payments....I have no way of getting to my medical appointments and getting important procedures done because I no longer have my vehicle, and honestly...I have zero friends, zero family, and I am.. Well .. Just...I am justcompletely and utterly alone....
I miss my best friend... You...I miss you Mom... You would know exactly what to do.... I'm sorry I've let you down... I'm sorry that you can't look down on me and be proud of what I've done, what I've accomplished... Because I haven't done or accomplished anything other than ruining a young woman's life, and bringing two beautiful innocent souls into this world that I can't give the best possible life to.... I'm so sorry, please forgive me 😔
submitted by Asmo41 to MomForAMinute [link] [comments]

2020.10.28 06:30 TiffanyFlournoy Black Man Wrongfully Convicted & Incarcerated Since 1977 and Evidence Proves It #Louisiana #PleaseSignThePetition ✍🏽✊🏽

By Tiffany Flournoy, Investigative Journalist Activist for Criminal Justice Reform 1977: The Vincent Simmons Project
Since 1977, Vincent Simmons has maintained his innocence. For 43 years he’s been legally trying to prove it.
Now at 68-years-old, despite a series of judicial roadblocks and dead ends, he continues to fight for his freedom from the clinches of imprisonment at the Louisiana State Penitentiary, Angola. New evidence proves he was robbed of a fair trial and prosecutors failed to turn over discovery files to the defense. Other evidence further supports his innocence.
Help press Louisiana officials to set him free from its broken judicial system plagued with injustice and riddled with racism, by joining the movement to free him and then signing the petition using the link at the end of this article.
“From the start I was and am innocent of these charges. I knew one day God would send His messengers and soldiers to aid me when he was ready. God is the Light so we are the light,” Simmons said from prison.
Without evidence of a rape and following a botched two-day trial in Avoyelles Parish, Louisiana, Simmons, who is Black, was convicted of the attempted aggravated rape of two white girls (twins). Simmons was Initially accused and charged with aggravated rape. He was convicted by a jury of 11 white men and one Black woman just 51 days after his arrest in Marksville, Avoyelles Parish, Louisiana.
New evidence in the case suggests that Simmons did not receive a fair trial. A supplemental memo filed Oct 23, 2020, in the 12th Judicial District states that discovery was never turned over to Simmons’ defense 43 years ago. The memo was filed on the heels of an Oct 20, 2020 motion to vacate Simmons’ conviction and sentence and a post-conviction relief application.
According to the sworn affidavit of Alan Holmes, an Avoyelles Parish community leader, on Oct .20 Avoyelles Parish District Attorney Charles Riddle admitted to Holmes and Simmons’ attorney Justin Bonus, that Simmons’ trial attorney Harold Brouillette never received the discovery file prior to trial.
The memorandum also states that Riddle conceded that multiple documents were not turned over to the defense in 1977, including the report of the medical examiner who examined both of the alleged rape victims; the arrest report,; audio recordings; and the statements of the alleged victims gave to police.
In 2020, relatives of the alleged victims came forward claiming the entire story against Simmons was fabricated by the alleged victims and their cousin to cover a family secret of inappropriate sexual behavior within the family.
“This is a story you might hear when speaking of Jim Crow and the rape myth involving Black men and white women that resulted in so many tragic lynchings and wrongful convictions," said Bonus. On Oct 20, based on the new evidence, Avoyelles Parish District Judge Kerry Spruill ordered an evidentiary hearing for Feb. 17, 2021. The hearing date will mark Vincent’s 69th birthday.
——————————————————————— Join the grassroots movement on FB @: 1977: The Vincent Simmons Project
Sign the petition: https://www.change.org/1977VincentSimmonsProjectFreeVincent
Read my latest article: https://www.ktbs.com/news/new-evidence-appears-to-clear-man-of-1977-attempted-rape-conviction/article_79041a60-1321-11eb-b052-bf76a2da6aa3.html?fbclid=IwAR1lTDCHCOYtpCD2gN8kh7OOjq16gTjbjjk1JuAxM1uvYMbZ5pIw-X12bVw#utm_campaign=blox&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social
©️2020 1977: The Vincent Simmons Project™️ All Rights Reserved
submitted by TiffanyFlournoy to BlackLivesMatter [link] [comments]

2020.10.28 03:43 le_printemps_arrive Told me in open relationship but actually married... Is he a dick? Should I quit?

My apologies it's so long. Thank you everyone for reading this! xoxo
I (F20) met this guy (M29) on Tinder this summer. After our first hang out, he told me he’s in an open relationship and asked if that’s fine. I was single and only thought he’s a nice guy, but not the kind of person I would feel romantically to, so I said sure it’s totally fine. He does a very busy job and can only meet me once a week - only on Sunday and only for around four or five hours - yes, we haven’t even stayed overnight together. From June we’ve met 8-10 times. Not a lot, but every time we meet it’s quality time. Great sex. Engaging and smart conversations. Very intimate, very caring and loving. At some point, I started to feel much more emotionally and romantically to him. However, after we met twice or three times, I googled him, and, accidentally, found out that he’s not really in a relationship, but married. I was shocked when I saw his picture and his wife.We talked about it and he defended marriage as a kind of relationship, which is true, but kind of weird to say that way. He said they have a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy, so his wife allows him to see other people and doesn’t know if he is seeing any. It also seems that they don’t have any restriction on each other’s behavior. They are now in two different countries and because of covid, haven’t met for half a year. He would tell me “I love you in a special way”, and that “me seeing you doesn’t affect my love for my SO” blablabla. Anyway, I was still falling for him a lot and we continued meeting up. Although every time we meet it seems it’s wonderful and perfect, his response rate on messenger has been significantly decreasing. He used to text me back within half a day, but now he would reply to me after three words and disappear again. He defends it as he doesn’t like texting and obviously is not going to change it. I see myself as a monogamous person, but am falling for him too much, making it very difficult to quit. I tried to date new people but they are never as great as him. I get very jealous of his wife but I also deeply admire their marriage - they are genuinely a perfect match and I sometimes don’t understand why they wanna be polyamorous.
It’s really a complicated and confusing story. Let me draw some notes here and I want to know whether you guys see them as red flags and what I should do:
1.He told me he’s in an open relationship when we met. But he’s actually in an open marriage. I found out that when googling him and saw his wife’s facebook celebrating their anniversary.
  1. He and his wife have a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, meaning that his wife doesn’t even know my existence.
3.We only meet once a week and each time for four, five hours. Besides that, he doesn’t text me/check in on me often. Used to text me back within a day but now reply to my message after three, four days. Only when we are deciding where and when to meet he’s texting faster.
  1. Everytime we book a hotel he asks me to check in with my name and pay with my credit card. But he will pay me back in cash.
  2. Except for one time we drank at a bar, everytime we met was in a hotel, meaning that we are never seen in public.
Here are some of my other questions:
1.He says he “loves me in a special way” (yes, it’s not only “I love you” but has this “special way”) and keeps telling me how special I am, very sincerely, when we meet. But what is our relationship? How should I label us? I don’t even feel like I’m a secondary partner because he’s not even putting that many resources on me.
  1. Does he really care about me or even love me? He is very passionate when we meet, but other than that he just kind of disappears
  2. It’s very painful when I can’t see him. Constantly checking my phone to see if he’s replied. Can’t focus on myself and my work. Get very jealous of his wife. Should I continue this? It’s painful for me to be in this relationship, but it’s even more unbearable thinking that I can’t see him in the future. I tried to date new guys but no one is as comparable as him. I’m very scared that I won’t be able to find anyone like him. Just feel like I’m trapped here.
submitted by le_printemps_arrive to polyamory [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 20:16 neno_law I’ve updated my app and till now I can’t have an avatar both messenger and Facebook are up to date but I cant seem to make an avatar

submitted by neno_law to facebook [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 19:46 king_cicada I’ve been grieving for almost two years over someone who most everyone in my life thought i’d stopped interacting with in 2015.

content warnings: grief, drugs, death, toxic relationships, depression, alcohol, mention of sex (nothing explicit), mention of sexual assault (nothing graphic).
chris and i met the winter of 2014 when i was 19 and he was 24. we had en electric connection. we dated for about 2.5/3 months, and out of no where, he ghosted me. like just up and literally disappeared. he’d texted me on saturday that he would still drive up to my college to see me on sunday, but by sunday, he’d blocked my number and was no where to be found. i didn’t know his family yet, so i was isolated in the issue.
i am by nature also a very private person, so while people generally knew some surface level info about me, i kept a lot to myself.
about 3 or 4 months later, he turned up, reached out, and we ended up meeting to talk. he apologized but recognized that he didn’t know why exactly he’d ghosted me—that our relationship scared him a little (the intensity) and he was already in a bad mental spot, so it just overwhelmed him.
we met up another time that summer, to talk more. chris wanted to get back together, but i was still pissed about the ghosting, so i told him i wanted to pursue things with someone i’d met. he didn’t like that answer, but he respected it.
chris and i maintained an off-and-on correspondence in the years that followed, even when both of us were in different relationships. the connection and intensity were still there, and we’d started sharing emotional stories with each other, asking a for advice, and messenging back and forth into all hours of the night. we’d turned into the type of friends who could be brutally honest. we could be mean at times, and inevitably one of us would get mad, not talk to the other for a while, and then eventually would wander back and start talking again. we both had more pride than we should’ve. but there was also a strange undercurrent. both he and i acknowledged on many different occasions that we’d wished things had gone differently. we still were incredibly attracted to each other, but we’d gotten to know each other better over the years, too, so that magnified the intensity.
by this point, though, he and i were in two different states (over 10 hours apart), i was engaged, and he was in a complicated relationship that was near the breaking up stage. and so was i for that matter. not long before summer break (my fiancé and i were in grad school), i ended things with him.
in the days leading up to the breakup and in the days after, chris was the one i messaged. he was the one i talked to drunk at 1am and near sobbing. but what this meant was that for the first time since we’d broken up, he and i were single at the same time.
i was going home that summer, so he and i would be an hour apart instead of 10+, so we arranged to see each other. i should also mention that i was poorly coping with the end of my engagement by sleeping with a fair share of folks and drinking too much, so chris and i weren’t looking to date, just trying to see how things would be.
well, we fell into step like nothing had happened. the heat was still there. the playfulness. the dysfunctional care. we had sex for the first time together that night. but we were realistic about the fact that i was in grad school so far away. so we didn’t give us a chance at all.
meanwhile, i’d been seeing someone else (let’s call him Aaron) casually, and he and i had a pretty good connection. i was sexually assaulted around the same time by someone i thought i could trust. aaron and i had only known each other a month or so when it happened, but he eventually would express bitterness that chris was the one i called after. i didn’t want to go to my mom’s after that happened, so i drove to chris’ house after leaving where i’d gotten sexually assaulted, and we sat together and talked about what had happened and watched the sopranos and eventually had sex. it was safe there and exactly what i needed.
aaron and i weren’t exclusive at this point, and he’d been seeing other women too. but aaron was incredibly jealous of chris’s. but still i jumped into a relationship with him (a very unhealthy one). he was extremely jealous of chris, especially after he found out chris and i had sex over the summer. he resented the fire chris and i shared. at that point, chris had gotten back together with his it’s-complicated relationship, and eventually, aaron asked me to block chris. so i did. i un-friended him on facebook, blocked his contact info and went on with my unhealthy relationship.
about three or four months later, i impulsively decided to look at his girlfriend’s facebook page. she’d changed her profile picture five times in the last few weeks (and even more going back a couple months)—each time to different photos of her and chris during different points in their relationship.
with a pit in my stomach, i googled his name and the town he lived in. sure enough, he’d died about two months prior. overdosed on heroin laced with a lethal dose of fentanyl. he had died, and literally no one around me had any idea the weight of that for me. i was guilty that i hadn’t been talking to him when he fell into a depression and relapsed. i knew i wasn’t the sole cause of that, but it certainly felt like i could’ve helped if we’d been in contact.
i had lost someone i loved, and everyone around me either had no idea who he was or remembered him as some guy i dated for a couple months back in undergrad or the one who had ghosted me. they had no idea how much i wanted to lay down and never get up again. i didn’t know how to give them almost five years of context, and even if i did, i didn’t have the emotional energy.
even if he and i weren’t together, somehow it was okay, as long as he was somewhere out in the world. but suddenly he wasn’t. that was march of 2019. it’s been a year and eight months, and i still have days when i sob for him. it still aches fresh, and i don’t know how to grieve for him, how to help myself healthily move on.
i’m now ethically non-monogamous and in a few different healthy relationships, but i can’t seem to let chris go, despite being able to recognize that we shared an unhealthy bond.
submitted by king_cicada to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 16:13 ThrowRAForHelp19 I (M19) want to ask my Friend (F20) out on a date

As my title has already outlined, I want to ask my friend, let's call her Ash, out on a date.
I'll start from the start to give you context.
Ash and I became been friends a year ago at a children's camp type thing where we were leaders and since we got put together on most of the activities, we naturally got to know each other pretty well. After the camp was over and we were leaving, Ash gave me her number so she could send me some of the photos and videos of the camp (primarily the ones that included me) as Ash was the photographer person for the camp as well. From that, I decided to take the initiative and started texting her, and to my actual surprise, Ash responded and kept the conversation going. From there we added each other on other social media (Snapchat, Facebook/Messenger, etc).
Now, fast forward to a week or so before now and basically no day without talking/texting Ash, I was texting her, and my family asked me why I was always looking so happy while I was looking down at my phone. And as always one of my sisters just says "It's probably that girl he always talks to.", she always says something about Ash in a teasing way when I'm distracted on my phone even if I'm talking to her or not. But this time was different, after my sister said that, my Mum (Sorry for the Americans, I'm Australian) said "Why don't you just ask her out already, when you're talking to her you smile so brightly and even your general mood has become happier" Which I responded with the "Gee, thanks Mum for the backhanded compliment of saying I was a grump" while faking that I'm hurt by her comment, and that was the end of the conversation. But I kept on thinking about it as the thought of asking Ash out on a date has always crossed my mind, but because of COVID and there being a 1.5Hr distance between us (Stupid COVID lockdown rules) I knew I wouldn't be able to see her anyway.
The next day came, and they finally lessened the lockdown rules and I'm able to move more freely and they are now saying we're nearing the end of the lockdown. This is great news, but for me, it put me into a conflict on whether I should ask her out and not wait for too long. Finally, I made the decision to grab the situation by the balls (metaphorically speaking) and finally ask her out. I decided to wait until after Ash finished her final assignments of her course, because it kinda would be a dick move that would only really be thinking about me and not her as well.
Come to today, Ash just finished her assignments and has now finished her course. I set a deadline to tomorrow to ask her out and now I'm really second-guessing myself, this is a horrible habit I have with these types of things and I normally back out because of the second-guessing but I've already steeled myself to ask Ash out.
These are my following dilemmas that I need an outsiders opinion on:
  1. When I do ask her out on a date, should I do it via snap/call or via texting? I'm kind of leaning towards SMS so A. I don't see if she reads it B. She doesn't have the pressure of answering straight away. But please tell me if it seems more genuine/better to do it via snap/call
  2. Connected to previous, What would be the best way to ask her out on a date? I've gone on dates before but I never had this deep of a connection with them beforehand and I really don't want to mess up an already great friendship.
To end it off, I'd like to think that she's somewhat into me for the reasons of saying "I'd love to hear the stories someday" when I mention some stories that are really long stories, and how she says some words of encouragement/uplifting when I'm stressed or down, etc. There's more but I know this post is getting wayyy too long.
It's 2 am for me and I wrote this, so sorry for any spelling mistakes or incoherent sentences. I'll definitely be checking this when I wake up for your guys' answers/suggestions!
submitted by ThrowRAForHelp19 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 14:37 IEscapedFromALab If You See a Downed Aircraft in the Everglades, Avoid It

About three years ago, a buddy named Will and I went kayaking and slough slogging (think a combination of hiking and swimming) in the Loxahatchee remnant of the Everglades. I had just gotten engaged to my girlfriend of seven years and he was celebrating three years of avoiding painkillers and sticking to weed that started after our third amigo, Cory Walton, passed away from an overdose. Will had been partially responsible, having fled instead of calling the police to avoid trouble and had never forgiven himself. I had difficulty with it from time to time, so I tried to consider not hating him for it a burden to work on and he agreed to work on his painkiller habit.
So we had brought some shrooms and weed with us to really enjoy the wilderness. Our friendship went back more than fifteen years, all the way to our High School group of hooligans so I couldn't just give up on him. My name is Jason Grover and this is the story of what me and my friend found in the swamp.
We paddled out with our old kayaks from the Arthur R. Marshall park in West Palm Beach, Florida. We planned so that we could camp a few miles in, grill up some fish and enjoy mother nature. We decided to go much deeper in than we normally did, but our adventures had become a ritual since Will started getting clean and we had a variety of gps devices so that we didn't go missing like so many others. After four or five hours we noticed it was getting dark and Will suggested we find a good spot to camp.
"Hey man, check out this tunnel" Will suggested, pointing at a waterway that went below a thick canopy of trees that formed a tunnel like structure.
There were plenty of invasive species, like Australian pine, climbing fern and brazilian pepper in the areas we had passed, but we most have gotten pretty deep because I hadn't seen a single invasive species for nearly an hour. There was a skinny woman dressed in all white standing on a patch of land covered in tall grass, but she wasn't facing us and walked into the grass when we came near.
"Hey, lady! Is there good solid ground here?" Will tried to ask, but she didn't respond or return. He shrugged and we decided to go through the verdant tunnel ahead of us.
Most of the canopies were formed by mangrove and cypress working together to horde what passed for solid land in the natural state of Florida and this one was particularly thick. This one was so thick that it blocked out the sun almost entirely for about four hundred feet, creating a dark tunnel of tropical colors with only occasional holes for the dark orange and purple sunset to cast light through. There were tons of strange purple bromeliads, beautiful flowers that formed nest like structures to grow from the crevices of trees and branches so that they would not need soil.
"Wow, what the fuck do you think brought it down?" Will asked. I looked at him in incomprehension until he pointed at a spot in the canopy above us.
In addition to the vines and flowers, letters could be seen through a rare area that wasn't covered in foliage. The canopy had been formed by a downed aircraft, and a big one by the looks of it. The Everglades used to enjoy a similar reputation to the Bermuda Triangle and it wasn't uncommon at all to find old military service planes here and there throughout the wetlands. This particular wreck looked ancient, so it didn't surprise me that we had never heard of it.
"Welp, a pity we don't have any choice in exploring the fuck out of this, it's going to eat into our time." Will quipped happily.
"Yeah, we pretty much have to." I said, after I had recovered from my shock.
"Yeah, I'd say so." He said with a triumphant laugh. "AbandonedPlaces is going to absolutely shit its pants."
I nodded in awe as we realized that what appeared to be a cockpit lay some distance ahead of us. A severed wing had propped itself up against a particularly hearty pond cypress tree that seemed to partially wrap itself around the metal, as if embracing it.
We set up camp, putting up our mosquito net over a natural lean-to created by the wing of the downed aircraft and setting up every insect repellent known to man. On closer inspection, the formerly robust looking tree that had seen some better days. The words "La Cigu" were spraypainted near the cockpit of the plane, but the vines obscured anything else. I would have camped elsewhere but Will wanted to get a mosquito net up quickly and thought it looked cool.
It was the winter which made the mosquitos less of a problem, but not enough of a difference, the swamp could exsanguinate a cow in thirty minutes without enough Deet. I couldn't blame him for wanting to get it ready. Once the sun was down we decided to make a fire and warm up our dinner consisting of some fish we had caught, muscadine grapes, purslane, spiderwort, swamp cabbage, betony, young cattail stalks and ringless honey mushrooms, which we added together with some lettuce and ground provisions to make a gigantic weird salad which was quite delicious. In addition, Will decided to rush ahead with some magic mushrooms, although not even close to a full dose. Just enough to make the scenery a little weird, I assumed.
After some time we noticed some soft blue lights and the sounds of people talking and laughing in the distance and figured we must not have been too far from civilization after all.
"Cool, maybe our neighbors might like to party." Will suggested. There was a wild peel of a woman's laughter that encouraged us to believe that this was at least possible.
After enjoying our salads Will decided that he wanted to explore a bit. Despite it being late, I couldn't blame him.
He headed straight for the cockpit of the downed craft. It had broken off from the fuselage and was laying face down in the water, which didn't exactly bode well for the pilots. One of the wings had been thrown several hundred feet ahead. Despite not being able to get the door into the cockpit open, he was able to find something interesting.
"Dude...how did we not hear about this?" He asked, in amazement.
"It probably went down years ago, the Everglades are full of these wrecks." We had even passed an ancient Cessna that nature hadn't taken nearly as much of a liking to.
"No, it doesn't look like that's the case." he said, pointing to a laminated piece of paper that had survived the crash intact. At the top of the page was the date, only three months prior to us finding it. A list of passengers showed nineteen passengers were originally on the list.
"What the fuck?" I asked, in audible amazement. I set up a floodlight on the interior of what was once the craft and immediately saw that despite mother nature's ferocity, there were many signs that it had once recently maintained life. Several first aid kits were still in the craft, only two of them open and only one missing its contents, some rations that had been untouched and still in their packaging. Near the wing we had not camped under there were signs of a campsite.
After unpacking and preparing our camp, we decided to hit out before the sun went down to see as much as possible of the mysterious wreck.
There was only a single sign of death, a skeleton that we hadn't noticed in one of the darker areas of the fuselage that we had kayaked through. Its arms and legs held it to the wall of the fuselage by vines, allowing the partially shattered torso to sag slightly as if it had been crucified. It looked like it had been picked clean and now had a beautiful bromeliad growing from one of its eye sockets, making it look like it had one dark purple and green eye that still watched us with an amused expression. There was a hole in the ribcage and most of the bones around it wrenched forward slightly, if it weren't for the downed aircraft I would have suspected a gunshot.
"Holy shit dude" Will said with an incredible sense of awe as he snapped photo after photo. "We have to check out that campsite!" He was clearly thrilled. Despite the creepiness, he seemed ecstatic, I hoped the trip went well for him.
Will took as many pictures as possible, especially of the beautiful skeleton, before we got back in our kayaks and maneuvered to the campsite on the opposite side of the fuselage, amidst a group of small, grassy islands. It seemed strangely far away from a lot of decent, even partially covered places to sleep, being out in the open on a small, easily submerged island generally the worst spot to camp in the Everglades.
Well set up a floodlight so that we could see the area better. It had been a while since a fire had been started there, but there was another corpse, this one not nearly as picked clean. It was wearing a bright yellow sundress and still had some desiccated flesh sticking to the bones. Most of the skeleton was curled into a fetal position, but one of its arms was several feet from it and one of the legs had been shattered. A few feet away from the scene was a now extremely rusty revolver. I guessed and looked around the skeleton and sure enough, deep in the sand there was a bullet where someone must have shot this woman in the leg for some reason.
"What do you think happened?" Will asked, and at first it seemed like a stupid question, until I thought about it. There were plenty of rations left in the plane, plenty of ways to avoid exposure, she seemed to have a radio. There was no reason for whatever happened here to happen. I grabbed the rusty gun, just in case something attacked them.
"It looks like someone shot her in the leg? Where is everyone else from the crash? Why the fuck wasn't this in the news?" I asked aimlessly, as Will was more wrapped up in his trip. We checked around the area of land, but I didn't see anything. I was about to suggest leaving, but Will began taking pictures of the wing, specifically the motor on the wing.
"Alright, there might be an award or something for this!" Will said with delight. I turned the corner and found what had let him in a good mood: the propeller on the rig was filled to the brim, and I mean all the way, with the dead corpses of birds. Most of them were just skeletons and feathers, and the mass of twisted birds looked like a horrible Halloween prop.
"Yeah, we should contact authorities right away, just so we look alright."
Will was a good guy, but he tended be extremely focused on his on search for personal luxuries, often to the point of causing problems for himself. You had to remind him from time to time. He was about to respond when suddenly we heard a loud shriek coming from our campsite.
"Aww man, I hope this doesn't turn into a bad trip." Will said.
I didn't want to make things worse by telling him that we clearly had picked the wrong spot to camp. As we swung our kayaks to head back out to our camp, we heard chittering, bizarre laughter. Someone ran through the tall grasses and said something along the lines of "I wish we had picked some up the last time we were at the store." in a high pitched, slightly nasal woman's voice as if in a normal conversation.
"Hey! Hey! Hello!" I shouted. Will looked confused. "Where did that come from?" He asked.
Suddenly another voice rang out. "It was just a telemarketer, get some rest." whoever it had a New York accent and was somewhere behind us, but when we looked there were only some water grasses.
I flashed my light in the direction it came from but saw only shadows moving. I started paddling away from whoever was speaking and towards the camp. Will looked terrified as we headed through the plane again, especially at the skull, which seemed to regard us with the same hostile amusement it had when we first met it and was now considerably less cool.
"Alright, maybe we oughtta just get the fuck out of here. Someone here wants to fuck with us. I'm sorry man, I hope this doesn't fuck up your trip." I said with as much firmness in my voice as I could muster.
"Yeah, yeah, it's cool, it's cool." Will said, very obviously to himself as much as to me. He was shaking pretty badly and seemed to have some difficulty following me. I had to keep him from tipping over repeatedly.
When we got to our lean-to camp, it was obvious someone had been through our stuff, but none of it was destroyed. Instead, all of our belongings had been laid out neatly outside of our tent in overlapping circles, like an insane Venn diagram. Much of the vegetation and scrap in the surrounding area had been cleared away. I could now see that the spraypaint on the side of the aircraft said "La Ciguapa" in a desperate hand. Strange symbols now covered the cockpit as well.
"La Ciguapa" I said aloud. I remembered a friend of mine telling me it was a mythical demon from the Dominican Republic, but he had described it kind of like a mermaid.
"Dude, what the fuck?" Will said, rushing to our tent to check for further damage. His flashlight lit up hundreds of bizarre symbols that had been painted on the interior of the mosquito net.
"I understand that the schedule is tight, but this meeting is a priority." Came a stern woman's voice from the far distance.
"Dude, do you think those are the people who survived the crash?" Will asked, not even bothering to speak to whoever it was.
For once he had the right idea and I hope he stuck to it. I just shook my head. I was shocked that anyone could survive a crash like that, but something was now clearly wrong with those fucking people. I would get them help later once the authorities came by. I hoped that Will wouldn't suggest going to speak with them.
"Well, where did the bodies go then?" He asked, quietly. There was a chance that the tail had broken off, sucking people out, but it was hard to tell. And why had that skeleton been shot in the chest? Will sounded like he was breathing hard enough to hyperventilate, so I had to calm him down before he panicked further and then call the authorities, as if it was going to be easy to help us out there.
"Dude, where did the bodies go, why did we not hear about a missing plane, what the fuck happened here?" He was freaking out, and it was raising the chances of both of us dying. He took out his cellphone and tried to make a phone call, but stared at his phone oddly after a moment.
"I can't get any reception to open a browser and when I try to make an emergency call I heard was some woman singing in Spanish!" He almost cried in despair.
"Let me get in contact with the authorities, it's cool dude. Just chill out a second. Just chill."
I took out my own phone and tried to use every emergency system I had in place for this situation. My phone essentially told me to fuck off, even for emergency calls. I found our radio equipment, surprisingly undamaged, among the bizarre circles. Will smoked a joint the size of his forearm, which was a relief to see considering his own situation.
When I finally got a line of communication up, all I heard was a woman's voice, singing a strange sounding song in a language I didn't recognize. I speak Spanish fluently, and whatever I was listening to had nothing to do with the language. It didn't even sound like a Romance language. Every channel that should have been useful seemed to play it endlessly. I tried not to mention anything, but Will probably noticed the look of frustration, and began toking more rapidly for it.
"Hey, dude, maybe we should ask those people for help. There are some more, over there." He pointed in the distance ahead of us and I noticed lights blossoming some ways away. A cold chill went up my spine and I remembered the nonsense phrases that were uttered in response to us asking for help. And the gun near the woman.
"They didn't seem very helpful, I'm going to set up a PLB first." A personal locator beacon, or PLB, was something you wanted if you were going into the wild, whose only job was to send out a powerful S.O.S. that was difficult for search and rescue teams to miss. Then I fired up our satellite messenger, which should have allowed me to have access to Facebook and Twitter. Except this time nothing loaded correctly. I turned the thing off, the on again and it came out worse. Every single thing I read was in some weird language, bizarre syllables spelled out on otherwise blank webpages. I couldn't even use it to send an S.O.S., so I kept the PLB in my pocket.
"Get anyone?" Will asked, with obvious fear in his voice. Getting him to calm down was difficult enough when he wasn't on shrooms.
"The S.O.S. beacon is working, just give it some time dude, it's cool. We may end up camping out here while we wait." I hoped he would listen to what I said for once, because if he lost his shit we could have ended up in trouble out there. Death was not something I wanted to think about, but it was absolutely a possibility, especially with Will not being helpful. I was happy he was smoking weed just to keep him out of the way. He must have loved it too, because nearly an hour went by before I heard from him again.
"Dude...look." He said, barely above a whisper. At the very far edge of the clearing, more than 600 feet away from us the woman we had seen much earlier was standing quietly. Just like before, she was standing with her back to us, moving around as if she was working on something that we couldn't see. Her white blouse and khaki shorts hung from her body and she was utterly emaciated. Both of her hands and her legs were jet black with what looked like incredible bruising. A long river of black hair flowed to the ground. She was muttering strange phrases mixed with the strange song I had heard on my phone. I quietly tried to turn off my lights and warn Will, but it was too late.
"Hey, lady, do you need any help?" Will asked, shining his flashlight on her before I could motion for him to shut the actual fuck up.
A long, horrifying shriek emerged from the woman and she began to run at us at an incredible speed while still backwards. Without thinking twice, I took the gun out of my pocket, hit the safety and pulled the trigger in its general direction, but if I hit it didn't seem to do anything. Instead, I couldn't hear anything and the fucking thing flew out of my hand. Will took a moment, staring in shock, but eventually followed my cue of running to the kayaks. Before I did, I noticed that the woman's feet and knees seemed to move in a way that implied they were facing us.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I couldn't hear the words coming out of my mouth, the ringing in my ears covered everything up. Will was shouting something to me that I couldn't make out as he pushed his kayak out with him laying on top of it instead of in it. I struggled to use my paddle to push myself as far away from the land as possible, and almost landed in the water in the process, but managed to keep my ship right. When I looked back, I noticed small, pale hands sticking out of the water in front of where Will was moving his kayak and knew they were going to be able to catch the small craft.
I slowed down and reversed just slightly, allowing him to slide onto the top of my kayak right as two pale bodies shot from the water, hair covering their faces and grabbed the kayak. It was amazing mine didn't simply go under.
Will was screaming something and I paddled as hard as I could as Will cut loose any extra weight that he could find, including the only supplies we had that weren't on the island. We managed to make it to the aircraft and when I looked back, the woman was still standing there as well as two others, a man and a younger looking girl. All had their backs facing the kayak they were tearing apart, matted hair covering their faces.
I paddled us through the aircraft and saw that the strange flower growing from the skeleton was now glowing with a powerful blue light, just like the ones we had seen in the distance. Will and I stared in awe and horror as we realized what had become of the survivors. I wondered if perhaps the flower was the real culprit. It wasn't unheard of for some parasites to force their prey to perform labor, perhaps this was a similar mechanism.
We paddled for at least half an hour, only to find ourselves returning to the aircraft again. This time, a man stood just off to the side, not facing away from us, wearing absurdly bagging clothes. We kept quiet and left, but kept coming back, again, and again. Another one eventually appeared on the edge of the aircraft, a child by the looks of it, who stood up as we neared. We left quietly every time.
Without our GPS units our chances of finding a way out were seemingly non-existent, and with Will laying on top of my craft if one of those things chased us again we would probably be joining them or getting eaten or who knows what. Will began to sob uncontrollably as we realized we had gone in a circle for the fourth or fifth time. I was fucking exhausted and there were more of those things, those people, every time we came near.
"Will. We have to go back." I could see shock and horror cross his face.
"No, no man, don't. Let's just keep trying." I could barely hear his words over the ringing in my ears.
"If we don't get our GPS map, we're never going to be able to figure out how to leave. Something is fucking with us, it's keeping us here. We need that thing." I said, knowing that sternness had crept into my voice. I could see his lips forming the word "No" over and over again and it pissed me off. "Do you want to die out here, Will? Because they'll be happy to help. Let's just do this, and get it done with." He seemed to quiet down after that. I paddled in silence for another fifteen minutes before we reached the edge of the aircraft again.
"Ok, we're going to do this as quickly as possible." I told him, and he simply nodded in terror.
We didn't see any more of them around the exterior of the aircraft. I paddled through the green tunnel until we came to the edge of the clearing where our belongings had been left. Will's kayak was ripped to shreds on the edge of the water. No one creepy backwards people, though. We landed as quietly as possible, and Will slid off of the kayak, allowing me to get free. Our stuff was in circles again, but this time different circles. I looked through the one closest to us and found some batteries, but nothing else useful.
Will poked around, but didn't seem very focused, instead he was watching the woods around us as he half ambled over to the wing where we had built our camp under. Hopefully he was looking for supplies and not weed. I went back to searching and eventually found a radio and GPS system. I put in the batteries and it kicked to life, albeit in a strange language. The map was still visible. I also grabbed the gun, which although it had fallen, hadn't gone far. Thank God La Ciguapa didn't care for them.
From every direction, that song was now flowing to us, slowly and steadily getting closer. I stared in horror as first one, then two, then at least half a dozen emaciated bodies came from the woods. Each had blackened arms and legs, turned all the way around. There were two that were very close to the kayak and the gun didn't have many bullets left.
Before I could think about it, I shot the tree that was holding up the airplane wing. The wing came down with a sickening crack and a tremor, landing on top of Will. He screamed a long, impossible scream and even from the distance on of our floodlights illuminated dark pink foam that had started to flow from his mouth. I backed away from my friend as he flailed pitifully against the structure which had surely crushed his ribcage.
"I got better! Please help me! I got better!" Will screamed and gurgled.
The backwards people came rushing to him, and at first it looked like they were going to help, but then the screaming intensified. As they ran to him I could see their faces, frozen in fearful grimaces, their eyes no longer seeing, their limbs blackened and turned around. They flocked to Will and seemed to be tearing the flesh off of his bones in strips, and I ran to the now undefended kayak.
"I'm sorry!" I screamed as I fled, but the only response was the singing growing louder.
I managed to get out of there, and got home the next morning. By then, Park Rangers were out in the exterior area, but didn't seem to be searching for anyone. They drew their weapons at me when they saw me, but lowered them after a tense moment or two of me begging for my life. They sunk my kayak and told me not to mention any of what happened to anyone. I mentioned Will but they just shrugged and said "He's gone now." They had me fill out paperwork saying that he drowned on accident and that there wasn't going to be an investigation and told me to never come back.
I plan on keeping that promise, and you should probably avoid the Everglades too.
submitted by IEscapedFromALab to nosleep [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 06:21 Faith407 My boyfriend of two years [34M Turkish] proposed to me [21F American] but with a fake ring

Long story, but me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. We are best friends and lovers. But we have had many huge arguments over not understanding each other I believe due to the vast cultural differences. He has been in the US for 4 years and his citizenship test is in 2 months. We met at our previous workplace, began dating, then left the company due to harassment issues from other coworkers.
Fast forward to today, we have talked about marriage for a long time. His family knows about me and tells me I am part of the family, even though I have never met them. My boyfriend speaks 6 languages and I only speak one. His family also does not speak English. I use a translator to message my boyfriend to make it easy for him and also to message his close cousin through Facebook messenger. She was always the one I would ask for help when me and my boyfriend got in fights and he refused to speak with me with respect. He respected his cousin immensely and refers to her as his ‘right hand’. I have never met his family which is understandable as they are spread across the globe. I also have not met his friends or even know where he lives. He provides me reasons for these questions I have, but in American culture this is a red flag. I try to be understanding of him.
Fast forward to last week, we had a major fight and he ended up blocking my number and my Facebook. I spoke with his cousin though messenger to see if he was at least okay. (This behavior from him was not something new, he had wild reactions when he was upset. Ignoring me and also disrespectful and calling me names.) the cousin created a plan without my knowledge and told my boyfriend that I had gotten into a car accident and was in the hospital. He lives about 1.5 hours from my house, and heading that information scared him half to death so he drove to my house to see if I was okay. I stopped him to talk about our relationship. Then he pulled out a ring, and said that he wanted to buy me something small for me to know that he was serious about marriage.
Before I forget to mention, supposedly - because I have not seen it with my own eyes, I only recieved one picture - he has the ring that he plans to use as the wedding band. Among other gold jewelry, as he told me this is his family’s customs.
I accepted it, so excited and absolutely ready for marriage as we have talked about it for more than a year and expected to be married. His family expects it too and I don’t want to be with anyone but him. But later I got the idea, to look at the authenticity of the ring. Though some research and some tests at home, I found out the ring is fake. I have other diamonds and I compared it to my engagement ring. The new ring my boyfriend game we was definitely fake.
So my question is, is he actually being serious? Or just trying to keep me around for some agenda. As I don’t know and wanted to ask, It is a bad thing in Muslim culture to propose with a fake ring?
I’m just looking for some kind of advice or any input anyone could have to offer. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this.
TL;DR : My boyfriend proposed with a fake ring. I want to be with him and we have plans to marry already, but is he just playing with me or am I being taken seriously? And why the fake ring?
submitted by Faith407 to AskMuslims [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 04:41 throwawaybanana39 I (30F) cannot get over the abuse I faced last year, and my story is bizarre

Preface: The following contains mention of gaslighting, abuse, sexual assault, and general bad vibes so please be wary of that.
As of early June, 2019, a long-term relationship with the boyfriend I was living with ended.
He and I started off great on March 15th, 2018. I asked him out when he was a charming, long-haired customer at my old place of employment and the first date went super well. He knew all the right things to says, and his charming Jason Momoa-esque appearance overshadowed his general odor and lack of physique.
But...The warning signs began early.
The first time I realized something was wrong was when I found out he had stalked my Facebook (that I had not given him) before he had even gone out with me in order to alter himself to suit my political affiliation, my likes, and my dislikes. He had even looked up a quote from my favorite movie in order to impress me, despite having never seen it before.
Some may call this cute and harmless, and it certainly began innocently enough, but it's where everything began snowballing.
We moved in rather early in our relationship. A first mistake, but I was spending so much time there anyway. In addition to this, my best friend needed a place to go and my boyfriend happened to have a spare bedroom available, so I thought it was two for two on good deals.
He certainly never made me forget, however, that she and I were only ever a guest there.
The small, tiny lies began to pile up as his real self became more and more revealed and eventually we began to fight. He wasn't the person I thought he was. I felt rather betrayed, and we simply weren't compatible like I had been led to believe. He hated learning, even saying that there's no point to it if he can't learn everything. He played games I found dull, like Fortnite, and had a terrible temper when he lost that would sour a whole evening. And he would smoke so much weed, I wasn't sure where he started and the drug began. I found him childish, where he had seemed so much more interesting at first. I think that resentment came out sometimes on my part, and that's my fault for not simply ending things there.
The Fights Begin
Our first big fight was when he got upset with me when I asked if he had a problem with lying. I had caught him lying about tiny, trivial things from a band he said he loved (and then later forgot existed) down to basic facts about himself and I began getting worried that he was pathologic. He started sobbing and yelling about how "everyone would do this" to him and that I was talking like his sister. He said I would just "abandon him" like everyone else had and that he might as well just kill himself.
I was scared. I felt like I wasn't being unfair by asking if he had a problem with lying after catching him in several webs of lies, but his reaction shook me to my core. He started becoming more unhinged and took me with him.
Most of the time (and definitely in front of others) he would act on his best behavior. He would go out of his way to do kindnesses for me and my family and friends, and this kept me thinking that he was good-hearted. But those niceties were, in many ways, laced with a palpable passive aggressive energy. If I acknowledged it in front of friends, he would say I was "making problems in front of people" and if I didn't acknowledge it, it would only get worse. I felt trapped.
Over time, he would begin pressuring me into sex. I was so stressed out about work and life that my sex drive plummeted, but he would say things like "Do you even think I'm attractive?" or "this isnt normal, to not have sex at all" or "this is the least amount of sex I've ever had in a relationship." He would then throw tantrums if I refused his advances after that, crying in the bathroom, in his car, or getting angry and needing to "drive to cool off." The more he would behave like this, the more I stopped wanting him.
Eventually, he cheated on me. At the time, we had been discussing a polyamorous lifestyle, but he always found it to be less than ideal, which I was fine with. I respected that and was monoamorous for the entire time.
When he cheated on me, it was a roller coaster of a day. I had rebuffed his sexual advances that night for some reason (I think I felt a little sick) and he got frustrated and called me asexual. He said he was going to "cool off" at a men's spa that was open 24 hours, and I went to sleep.
I woke up at 4:30am to a phone call from him. He excitedly informed me that he and a man there had gotten frisky and he got the man's number. The exact details began to be told to me, but I asked him to stop. I told him we would talk when he got back, as it was so early and I was incredibly confused.
He got back home later, around 7am or so, and shook me awake to talk about it. I recall him recounting the experience with a smile on his face. I said, plainly and without any anger, "You cheated on me." Because I wasn't angry. I am not a jealous person by nature, and was happy if he was happy. But he did break the previously mentioned rules of the relationship and I felt as though those boundaries needed to be far more clear.
He exploded. I hadn't ever seen a person change moods so quickly. He went from excited to panicked. He claimed he had been assaulted. He claimed that it was all a mistake. He said the guy had been "curving" him all morning and that he just broke down and let him do what he did. His story jumped from place to place, and I wasn't entirely sure what was going on anymore.
As a r*pe survivor personally, I cannot make any assertions as to a person's reaction to sexual assault. It is a very nuanced and complicated process of responses and can often change from day to day. But this moment is when our relationship changed for the worse, and he said if I ever brought it up again, we would be over.
Later, we needed to have a discussion about what our model of relationship would be from now on, and we decided upon a polyamorous one. It was my request, but he agreed and said it would be better for us.
The Polyamory Issue
He began going on dates with individuals, some of whom were a decade younger than he was. Before one date in particular, he told me that he had been interested in the girl involved for a few years and I wished him luck. Later, when he picked me up from school, he informed me she was 18. Now. He was 28. I immediately felt sickened at the implication that he was chasing after a minor for years and I didn't talk for a while. To intimidate me, he began speeding and driving erratically, yelling that nothing had happened. He stated that he had exchanged nudes with her before knowing she was a minor, but it wasn't his fault because she had lied about her age.
To this day, I still don't know what happened there and never want to know.
I did not go on dates. Despite being interested in several people at the time, my boyfriend was evidently very uncomfortable with me doing anything with anyone and so I began getting frustrated. I also noticed that he was breaking into my phone if I left it unattended and was staring at texts over my shoulder, and went through years and years of Facebook messages sent to me before our relationship had started. He found pictures and lewd messages other men had sent me via messenger (not saved on my phone, but in the ether that is facebook) and began grilling me about my relationships with them. His insecurities flooded out like a broken dam, and he projected them onto me via a series of gaslighting, yelling, and apologies. When he got incredibly upset, he would try to drag my best friend into our arguments, or threaten to drive off a bridge nearby.
The Mistakes At one point, during a very heated screaming session over something banal, he put his face very close to mine and grabbed me by the shoulders and screamed that he could see why others had abused me in the past because of how opinionated and confrontational I was. I told him he was an awful person to me and clenched my fists in fear and he said "Oh, if you want to hit me then just HIT ME!!!" as loud as he possibly could. His spit flew onto my face and I got so horribly frightened that I did---a slap across the face that I immediately regretted. My loss of control is something I regret for all of time. My hands flew up to my mouth and I apologized, but he laughed maniacally and said "You're abusive! I am going to call the police!" I started crying and felt so awful and terrible, and grabbed my socks and shoes to get out of the house. But he then grabbed my cell phone and said if I wanted to leave, I would need to walk and that he would bar me from using an Uber. I told him I would do anything to leave and didn't need my phone anyway, but he blocked my exit. (For clarification, he was 6'2 and over 240 lbs. I am 5'2 and 117 lbs.)
I tried to move through him, but he pushed me away. I tried to get under him, but he pushed me down. I begged him to let me leave, but he refused. He said we needed to "talk" and that he wanted to "apologize for everything, even what I'm doing right now!" He started saying he "wouldn't be here, or anywhere" if I left, and I was petrified that he was again saying he would kill himself. He threatened to kick my best friend out onto the street if I left and she would "have nowhere to go and it would be all my fault." He would use these empty leverage tools to scare me because he knew I wouldn't want my friend and I scrambling for housing alternatives, but I saw them as the bald-faced lies they were. He was afraid and his grip on the relationship was flying out of control.
We talked. I stayed. My mistake. I should've left right then and rolled with whatever consequences would ensue. He said he would go to therapy but seemed vindicated. This would eventually happen at increasing frequency for 3 months until the last fight.
The Last Fight The last fight began while I was still in the shower that morning. I had gotten up early to do some work for my job at 9am, and he was still in bed. He came into the bathroom and asked to join me in the shower, and I said he could. Minutes passed with him just standing outside the shower, and I asked him what was up. He said, "Nothing. So, what were you planning on doing yesterday?"
I knew immediately he had gone through my phone again. I had changed my lock screen password just a few nights before, but he had figured it out by watching me and even warned me the night before: "I know your password now, you should change it." That pointed of a question doesn't come out of nowhere.
For clarity, I had made plans to hang out with a friend, but nothing had happened between us and no conversation had even occurred to indicate that I was interested in this individual. I cancelled those plans because I needed to work. I didn't find it important to discuss because a) it was cancelled swiftly and b) my boyfriend had been seeing and texting people too and I didn't mind.
I asked, knowing full well this would reveal that I had 'something to hide': "Did you go through my phone?"
He said, "No! But now I know you did have plans!"
"Ok, but why would you ask such a weirdly specific question if you hadn't gone through my phone?"
He backpedaled. "Ok, I opened your phone but only saw the last message you sent of you cancelling. I didn't go through the conversation."
"The last message was 'No worries' though?"
He FLIPPED OUT. He started saying that if I didn't trust him, our relationship was basically doomed, and I said that was fine. I was sick of this juvenile stuff anyway. I started packing my bags and he started screaming at me, saying it was my fault for lying about plans that I never informed him of. I understood and said I should've informed him, but that I had cancelled them and it shouldn't have mattered in the long run.
Eventually, he admitted to lying and going through my phone, but the damage had been done.
He threatened to throw away my Wacom Cintiq he had bought me for Christmas, told me that he was going to call the police if I trespassed, and then said he was only "joking" and tried to apologize and fix things. I refused. He got worse and doubled down on his threats. He threw his sunglasses in my direction, and they collapsed into the drying rack behind me. He wrenched my cell phone from my hands and threatened to throw it out a window. I told him I didn't care. I was done.
Leaving I left with the help of my best friends after he threatened me with the police one last time, and they helped me to pack up my year long life there and brought me to a friend's attic that I lived at until June 14th, 2019. I found an apartment on Craigslist near my work and lived there until this July.
Worst of all? He kept the kitten my brother had given us. His name is on her records, but I gave him the money to pay for the vet. He said he could provide her with a better life, what with me living in a city apartment. But neither my brother nor I am comfortable with this, but he says he will sue me in small claims court. I have given up. I will miss her more than anything.
I didn't write this for any other reason besides to get it off my chest. It happened a year and a half ago but it still weighs on me all the time. I just needed to vent. 😭
submitted by throwawaybanana39 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]

2020.10.26 22:58 shanabailey Products that I did NOT add to database today - sorted by popularity (26.10.2020)

Products that I did NOT add to database today (the list has been sorted by wishlist count (favourites)). Check image compilation: https://i.imgur.com/NB6XJIt.jpg . If you want to add an item to Couponsfromchina database, then click on "Add Product" button on https://couponsfromchina.com/
-1- ✔️ [CN] Geekcreit® AC 110-240V Input To DC 24V 17A 400W Switching Power Supply Driver Board
🌐 https://bit.ly/35s0kz8
🔹 Price: $17.99
⏳ Coupon: BG24V
-2- ✔️ [CN,USA,UK,HK,FR,AU,GWTR,RU,ES,CZ,AE,BR] Men Women Nylon Waterproof Light Weight Crossbody Bag Waist Bag
❇️ https://bit.ly/37I0RzS
Price: $11.99
📌 Coupon: BGA03585
-3- ✔️ [UK] Men's Nylon Hip Drop Belt Waist Fanny Leg Bag Waterproof Military Tactical Bag
🌍 https://bit.ly/3or9vsu
📉 Price: $10.59
🔓 Coupon: BGTTAD
-4- ✔️ [CZ] [New Edition]Onda Xiaoma 31 13.3 inch Intel N4200 Quad Core 4GB DDR3 64GB eMMC 36Wh Battery Fingerprint Narrow Bezel Notebook
🌀 https://bit.ly/2SakUOp
🔹 Price: $184.99
🔓 Coupon: BGONDM35
-5- ✔️ [CN] NEWYES 10inch Bluetooth Archive Synchronize Writing Tablet Save Drawing LCD Office Family Graffiti Toy Gift
❇️ https://bit.ly/30w8qpu
💰 Price: $49.99
🎯 Coupon: BGOCTNE
-6- ✔️ [CN] XYS3580 DC DC Buck Boost Converter CC CV 0.6-36V 5A Power Module Adjustable Regulated Laboratory Power Supply Variable
🛒 https://bit.ly/3ooa0n4
📉 Price: $15.99
✂️ Coupon: BGXYS3580
-7- ✔️ [CN] Loskii USB LED 3D Music Dual Alarm Clock Thermometer Temperature Date HD LED Display Electronic Desktop Digital Table Clocks
✳️ https://bit.ly/2CgRxWk
💲 Price: $14.99
-8- ✔️ [CN] Collrown Men's PU Leather Beret Caps Casual Newsboy Cap Warm Hats
❗️ https://bit.ly/37JNQpm
💥 Price: $10.99
▪️ Coupon: BG1571181
-9- ✔️ [CN] ANBERNIC S-100 16GB 2500+ Games 3.0 inch IPS HD Screen Handheld Game Console Support PS1 CPS NEOGEO SFC MD TV Output
👉 https://bit.ly/2G69E2Z
📉 Price: $28.99
⏳ Coupon: BGS10011
-10- ✔️ [CN] AC-DC Inverter 100-240V To 36V 5A 180W Switching Power Adapter Converter Module
❇️ https://bit.ly/3oqvmQZ
💣 Price: $9.99
📌 Coupon: BGADC365
-11- ✔️ [CN,USA,CZ] Double Sides Brushless ESC 20/30/40/50/60/80A Underwater Thruster RC Car Boat Parts
🔗 https://bit.ly/37P4CUp
💲 Price: $4.75
📍 Coupon: BGDS164
-12- ✔️ [CN] Upgraded 12V 8KW Air Diesel LCD Thermostat Remote Control Silencer Parking Car Heater For RV Truck Boat Trailer Heating
📌 https://bit.ly/2FwDldi
🔓 Coupon: BG25K3
-13- ✔️ [CN] Jumper R8 16CH RC Receiver Compatible T16 FrSky D16 D8 Mode Support PIX PX4 APM Flight Controller PWM SBUS Output
🔹 Price: $16.39
✏️ Coupon: BGJPR8
-14- ✔️ [CN] 2PCS Shockli IMR 26650 3.7V 5500mah 30A Discharge Rechargeable Li-ion Battery-Flat top
🚨 Price: $11.69
-15- ✔️ [CN] Machifit 775 Motor Table Saw Kit DC 12V Gear Motor with Mounting Bracket and Saw Blade for Woodworking
💰 Price: $24.49
Coupon: BGD01401
-16- ✔️ [CN] T6 Double-sided Air Mouse Keyboard with Touchpad Six Axis Somatosensory Game Android Remote Controller bluetooth Connection
👉 https://bit.ly/3k7TKUA
Price: $14.99
-17- ✔️ [CN] MechZone 109 Keys Graphite Blue Keycap Set OEM Profile PBT Keycaps for 61/68/87/104/108 Keys Mechanical Keyboards
🔗 https://bit.ly/3i4wZQo
💣 Price: $46.99
📍 Coupon: BGinngig3
-18- ✔️ [CN] QOTOM Mini PC Q190G4 With 4 LAN Port Intel Celeron J1900 2 GHz to 2.41 GHz Pfsense as Router Firewall Quad Core 2 GHz 4G RAM 32G SSD
⭕️ Price: $169.99
-19- ✔️ [CN,USA,CZ] Professional Oil Colored Pencils Set Artist Painting Sketching Wood Color Pencil School Art Supplies 48/72/120/160 Colors
🛒 https://bit.ly/2YY3BVh
📉 Price: $10.29
🔑 Coupon: BGPC193
-20- ✔️ [CN] Eachine ET5 Mini Gasoline Engine Model Stirling Water-cooled Cooling Structure
🔗 https://bit.ly/2UyVuvw
🚨 Price: $299.99
🖍 Coupon: BGOCTET5
-21- ✔️ [CN,USA,CZ] RGT 136161 1/16 2.4G 4WD Rock Crawler RC Car Off-Road Truck Vehicle Models
📌 https://bit.ly/3j1KLEx
〽️ Price: $129.99
✏️ Coupon: BG169RGT
-22- ✔️ [CN] Mens Vintage Genuine Cowhide Beret Caps Earflaps Windproof Duckbill Warm Black Brown Hats
🛒 https://bit.ly/321Yg0f
🚨 Price: $29.99
🔓 Coupon: BG1750211
-23- ✔️ [CZ] Multi-function Desktop Monitor Stand Computer Laptop Screen Riser Wood Shelf Desk Storage Holder with Lock
🌐 https://bit.ly/2DrdSRD
🚨 Price: $21.99
🎯 Coupon: BGIOUPDS
-24- ✔️ [CN] MARK RYDEN MR8057 Expandable Anti-theft Backpack Fit 17 inch Men's Business Backpack Waterproof Large Capacity Travel Laptop Bag
🛒 https://bit.ly/3cPQOHZ
-25- ✔️ [CN] BT-610 Rivet Tool Kit Rivnut Setting Tool Nut Setter NutSert Hand Riveter Guns M3 M4 M5 M6 M8 M10 M12 HT2819
❗️ https://bit.ly/3iEFHW9
🥇 Price: $69.9
✂️ Coupon: BG7208
-26- ✔️ [CN,USA,AU,ES] ROCHOBBY 1/6 2.4G 2CH 1941 MB SCALER RC Car Waterproof Vehicle Models Fully Proportional Control Without Transmitter Receiver
📌 https://bit.ly/2BMo1r3
💰 Price: $280.99
🏆 Coupon: BGROC1671
-27- ✔️ [CN] T-bao Tbook X8 Plus 15.6 inch Laptop Intel Core i7 4510u 2.0GHz up to 3.1GHz Intel HD Graphics 4400 8GB 256GB Backlight Keyboard 2.4GHz+5GHz WiFi FHD IPS Screen
❇️ https://bit.ly/3oxj9tu
👉 Price: $399.99
✂️ Coupon: BGTBX8PLS
-28- ✔️ [CN] LD09 USB Dual Cooling Fans Laptop Desk Portable Folding Desk Bed Notebook Stand Study Table with Mouse Pad Cup Holder
🔹 Price: $26.99
📌 Coupon: BGYHYL
-29- ✔️ [CN] Mini 5W 9V Battery Rechargeable Portable Guitar Bass Amp Amplifier Speaker
👉 https://bit.ly/2J8LnuC
Price: $18.99
🔖 Coupon: BGHYJGF
-30- ✔️ [CN] FlySky FS-BS6 2.4GHz 6CH AFHDS 2A RC Receiver PWM Output with Gyroscope Function for RC Car Boat
🛒 https://bit.ly/3cWZAol
💰 Price: $17.59
✏️ Coupon: BGBS6OT
-31- ✔️ [CN] Chatreey S1-A320 AMD Ryzen 3400G 8GB DDR4 128GB/256GB/512GB SSD Mini PC Quad Core 3.6GHz to 4.0GHz M.2 2280 SSD SATA3 SSD/HDD HDMI VGA
👉 https://bit.ly/2XgATwu
📉 Price: $279.99
Coupon: BGMAS32
-32- ✔️ [CN] Chatreey S1-A320 AMD Ryzen 3400G 8GB DDR4 128GB/256GB/512GB SSD Mini PC Quad Core 3.6GHz to 4.0GHz M.2 2280 SSD SATA3 SSD/HDD HDMI VGA
✳️ https://bit.ly/362EqV5
🚨 Price: $379.99
💎 Coupon: BGS2A33
-33- ✔️ [CN] KONIX MD760L Portable USB 9 Pads Roll Up Electronic Drum with Built-in Battery Drum Sticks
📌 https://bit.ly/37FfBj3
⭕️ Price: $65.00
-34- ✔️ [CN] 3-Tier Portable Greenhouse 6 Shelves PVC Cover Garden Cover Plants Flower House Without Iron Bracket
〽️ Price: $42.99
Coupon: BGZAXAZP82
-35- ✔️ [CN] Eachine ET6 Horizontal Hit and Miss Complete Engine Model STEM Upgrade Gas Engine Toys
❗️ https://bit.ly/3fKjwLL
Price: $309.99
🔖 Coupon: BGOCTET6
-36- ✔️ [CN] SOMAN ECE Motocross Full Face Protective Safety Adult Motorcycle Off-road Helmet Flip Up Sun Shield Cover SM633
👉 https://bit.ly/37H5Q3J
💲 Price: $74.99
🔓 Coupon: BGHelmet32
-37- ✔️ [CN,USA,UK,HK,FR,AU,GWTR,RU,ES,CZ,AE,BR] Travel Passport Holder Large Capacity Hanging Neck Passport Wallet Multi-function Waterproof Document Bag Messenger Bag Phone Bag Waist Bag
🌍 https://bit.ly/3owU2Hx
〽️ Price: $9.99
Coupon: BGC86288
-38- ✔️ [CN] Aluminum Height Adjustable Desktop Dual Arm 17-32 inch Monitor Holder+12-17 inch Laptop Holder Stand Full Motion Mount Arm
❇️ https://bit.ly/3iUhY3G
💣 Price: $108.99
💵 Coupon: BGVCXZMC
-39- ✔️ [CN] Mark Ryden MR9116 Anti-theft Backpack Laptop Bag Shoulder Bag USB Charging Men Business Travel Storage Bag for 15.6 inch Computer
❗️ https://bit.ly/2GGscY1
🔹 Price: $55.99
-40- ✔️ [CN] 2000mg/h Ozone Generator Machine Food Industrial Purifier Smoke Odor Air Cleaner Air Purifier
👉 https://bit.ly/3mnLy3s
💲 Price: $52.99
🔓 Coupon: BG51600
-41- ✔️ [CN] Vaydeer Aluminum Monitor Stand 4 Ports USB 3.0 Hub Wireless Charging Computer Riser Universal Metal Desktop Base for 27-inch Screen PC Laptop Macbook
✳️ https://bit.ly/309q7eC
-42- ✔️ [CN] Bestview T1 Smartphone Teleprompter for Canon for Nikon for Sony Camera Photo Studio DSLR Camera for Youtube Interview
📌 https://bit.ly/3mmMzsw
📉 Price: $102.99
✏️ Coupon: BGYBT1T7
-43- ✔️ [CN] Lensgo L8X Slider Dolly Photography Electronic Car with Remote Control Ball Head Phone Clip
❗️ https://bit.ly/2XZYwK3
🖍 Coupon: BGY2189
-44- ✔️ [CN] DEDAKJ AC110V / 220V DDT-2A 230W 2L-9L Oxygen Concentrator Generator Oxygen Making Machine Home Use Oxygen Generating Machine
❗️ https://bit.ly/2J3RAaZ
🔹 Price: $319.99
🔖 Coupon: BGDDT2A
-45- ✔️ [CN] STRETCH ARMSTRONG Blue/Red/Green/Purple Elastic Rubber Doll for Kids Unzipped Toy
🛒 https://bit.ly/35zD8iB
💣 Price: $9.99
▪️ Coupon: BGOCTST
-46- ✔️ [CN] 30Pcs Damaged M5 Thread Repair Tool Kit Repair Recoil Insert Kit
🌍 https://bit.ly/3ooQc37
〽️ Price: $9.15
📌 Coupon: BG739928
-47- ✔️ [CN] Wireless Guitar System Transmitter Receiver Folding Head Instrument Wireless Transceiver Wireless Line Pickup For Electric Guitar Bass Violin
🌐 https://bit.ly/37H5Xwb
💲 Price: $32.00
▪️ Coupon: BGTFGHSA
-48- ✔️ [CN] BlitzWolf® BW-S17 65W USB-C Charger PD3.0 Power Delivery Wall Charger With EU Plug Adapter With Baseus 100W USB-C to USB-C PD3.0 Cable For Smart Phone Tablet Laptop For iPhone 11 SE 2020 For iPad Pro 2020 MacBook Air 2020 Huawei P40
✳️ https://bit.ly/37FfHXX
💰 Price: $25.99
-49- ✔️ [CN] DIDEEP 0.5L Oxygen Tank Portable Underwater 6-10min Oxygen Bottle Diving Equipment
🚨 Price: $24.99
✂️ Coupon: BGQQQ
-50- ✔️ [CN,CZ] HERO 704 Advanced All-Steel Metal Fountain Pen Foe Office And School
👉 https://bit.ly/35zIdrj
👉 Price: $4.69
Coupon: BGFP633
-51- ✔️ [CN] Computer Desk Desktop Simple Desk Bookcase Combination Home Multi-Function Writing Desk for Home Office
🌀 https://bit.ly/2J8LuX4
-52- ✔️ [CN] Cenava P14 14 Inch Laptop Intel Celeron J3455 Quad Core 8GB RAM 256GB SSD Win10 Bluetooth 4.0 Notebook
🌀 https://bit.ly/3dMj5kL
Price: $299.99
-53- ✔️ [CZ] Quad LCD Computer Monitor Laptop Stand Mount Free Standing Heavy Duty Desk Stand Fully Adjustable Holds 4 Screens up to 30 inches
🌐 https://bit.ly/3efmKXM
Price: $65.99
📌 Coupon: BGHYPER123
-54- ✔️ [CZ] Monitor Laptop Stand UV Riser Modern Design Storage Box Organizer For Home Office Youpin Locket S6pro
🌀 https://bit.ly/2Pxm1X0
👉 Price: $139.99
-55- ✔️ [CN] RK CONSOLE RK2020 32GB/64GB/128GB 2000+ Games 3.5inch IPS HD Screen Retro Handheld Video 3D Games Console Support PS1 N64 GBA MD NES Game Player Aluminum Alloy Shell
💲 Price: $122.07
Coupon: BG2020M11
-56- ✔️ [CN] XY3605 180W 36V Buck Boost Converter Digital Control 5.1A DC Adjustable Regulated Power Supply
📌 https://bit.ly/3mvU2FX
〽️ Price: $39.99
-57- ✔️ [CN] EN-9 2.4Ghz Wireless Audio Transmission Receiver System with 280 ° Rotating Plug for Electric Guitar Bass Violin
⭕️ Price: $32.99
✏️ Coupon: BGOKJSL
-58- ✔️ [CN] WLtoys 12423 RTR 1/12 2.4G 4WD 50km/h RC Car LED Light Short Course Off-Road Truck Vehicle Models
🥇 Price: $74.99
👉 Coupon: BGWL12423
-59- ✔️ [CN] S5-60M Digital Laser Rangefinder Laser Distance Meter 4 Lines Display Mute Highlight Backlight Laser Finder Tape Distance Tool
✳️ https://bit.ly/31NfYEp
-60- ✔️ [CN] MUSTOOL G1000 Portable 1-1000X HD 8MP Digital Microscope 4.3" Electronic HD Video Microscopes Borescope Magnifier Camera Mobile Phone Repair Microscope
👉 https://bit.ly/37IgPdj
🥇 Price: $42.99
💎 Coupon: BG47386
-61- ✔️ [CN] ALSEYE H120D CPU Cooler RGB Fan 120MM PWM 4 Pin 6 Heat Pipes Cooler for LGA 775 115x 1366 2011 AM2+ AM3+ AM4
🥇 Price: $44.99
✏️ Coupon: BGzuocode7
-62- ✔️ [CN] Upgrade Adjustable Laptop Desk Ergonomic Portable Vertical Table Foldable Lifting Table on Bed Used for Reading and Writing
🛒 https://bit.ly/2ZLdoO9
🔹 Price: $33.99
🔓 Coupon: BGBLLXX
-63- ✔️ [CN,CZ,ES] 300M 2.4GHz Wireless Range Extender WiFi Repeater WiFi Amplifier WiFi Signal Extend
🌀 https://bit.ly/3bb5WQj
Price: $15.99
-64- ✔️ [CN] Polka Dot Long Sleeve Hooded Patchwork Fleece Side Pocket Coats For Women
📌 https://bit.ly/2HAtrII
🔹 Price: $21.99
⏳ Coupon: BGWCL
-65- ✔️ [CN] HYSTOU S210H Intel Core i9-9880HK 16G DDR4 256G/512G SSD Eight Core 2.3GHz to 4.8GHz Intel HD Graphics Win10 M.2 2280 SSD
❗️ https://bit.ly/3owd3JW
📉 Price: $709.99
🎯 Coupon: BGCTS22
-66- ✔️ [CN] 3D 12 Line Blue Light Laser Level LCD 360° Rotary Self Leveling Cross Measuring Tool
👉 https://bit.ly/37IgTtz
Price: $54.99
🖍 Coupon: BG69920
-67- ✔️ [CN] XKC-Y25-NPN 5-12V Non-Contact Liquid Level Sensor Stick Type Water Detector Switch
📌 https://bit.ly/31KDe5M
〽️ Price: $8.99
Coupon: BG53586
-68- ✔️ [CN] Eachine ET7 Horizontal Hit and Miss Complete Gas Engine Model STEM Upgrade Engine Toys
💲 Price: $299.99
💎 Coupon: BGOCTET7
-69- ✔️ [CN] Bluetooth Page Turner Music Pedals Wireless For Guitar Tablets PC Rechargeable
🥇 Price: $35.00
⏳ Coupon: BGOLKJA
-70- ✔️ [CN] Bosch 33Pcs Metal Twist Drill Bit Round Handle Masonry Drill Bit Woodworking Drill Bit Screwdriver Head Mixed Set For Power Tool
💥 Price: $24.99
Coupon: BGG48408
-71- ✔️ [CZ,USA] Newmebox Combination Lock Pen Box Multifunction Creative Large Capacity Stationery Box with Solar Calculator Cartoon Pencil Case
🛒 https://bit.ly/3ifcSyz
Price: $11.99
🔖 Coupon: BGMC828
-72- ✔️ [CN] 13.3/15.6 inch Waterproof Laptop Sleeve Bag Case Laptop Inner Case Notebook Case for Apple MacBook Huawei Pro
🌍 https://bit.ly/37QpNoK
Price: $11.99
-73- ✔️ [CN] Monitor TV Top Shelf Home Office Stuff Shelf with No Drilling Suitable for Placing a Variety of Sundries
👉 https://bit.ly/2R3A3Ax
⭕️ Price: $6.99
🔖 Coupon: BGUIUSKA
-74- ✔️ [CN] XLF F17 RTR 1/14 2.4G 4WD 70km/h Brushless Upgraded Metal Full Proportional RC Car Vehicles Models
👉 https://bit.ly/37Qq2QG
🔹 Price: $149.99
✂️ Coupon: BGXLF17
-75- ✔️ [UK] Kids Color Memory Chess Wooden Memory Match Stick Chess Game Jigsaw Puzzle Toy Fun Block Board Game Educational Color Cognitive Ability Toy for Children
✳️ https://bit.ly/3l38zrY
Price: $8.69
🔓 Coupon: BGWM930
-76- ✔️ [CN] GMK KD1 14 Inch 4K Touchable Type C Portable Computer Monitor Gaming Display Screen for Smartphone Tablet Laptop Game Consoles
📌 https://bit.ly/2Jas9EX
💰 Price: $269.99
❤️ Coupon: BGc711f5
-77- ✔️ [CN] 50-300KHz Handheld Impedance Tester Bridge LCR Digital Resistance Measurement Capacitance Adjustable Inductance
👉 https://bit.ly/3moSXzt
Price: $99.99
-78- ✔️ [CN] Topshak TS-PW1 Brushless Impact Wrench LED 15000mAh Rechargeable Woodworking Maintenance Tool W/ Battery
🛒 https://bit.ly/3mnLFfo
Price: $46.99
💎 Coupon: BGSHAKTOP3
-79- ✔️ [CN] Topshak TS-PW1 Brushless Impact Wrench LED 15000mAh Rechargeable Woodworking Maintenance Tool W/ Battery
🛒 https://bit.ly/3mnLFfo
🚨 Price: $57.99
📌 Coupon: BGTopshakW
-80- ✔️ [CN] DC6006L 1.44 Inch High Definition Color LCD Screen Digital Control DC Programmable Step-down Adjustable Power Supply
🥇 Price: $29.99
🏆 Coupon: BG42885
-81- ✔️ [CN,USA,UK,HK,FR,AU,GWTR,RU,ES,CZ,AE,BR] Banggood Design Men Plush Multicolor Contrast Color Stripe Pattern Beanie Brimless Landlord Hat Skull Hat
❇️ https://bit.ly/2Hvf60q
💲 Price: $9.99
🎯 Coupon: BGE27047
-82- ✔️ [CN] Aituxie 8.5inch LCD Writing Pad Electronic Handwriting Board Painting Graffiti Drafting Home Notice Board For Children Home Decor
Price: $5.49
-83- ✔️ [CN] 15W 220V AC Gear Reducer Motor 3RK15GN-C 6.9/125/415 RPM Variable Speed Motor Reversible Motor
🌀 https://bit.ly/3j7z52O
📉 Price: $54.99
-84- ✔️ [CN] DIY Electronic Kit Rechargeable FM Stereo Digital Radio DIY Parts
✳️ https://bit.ly/3oxjhcs
🥇 Price: $10.75
-85- ✔️ [CN] Portable Folding Adjustable Small Table Computer Notebook Desk Bed With Drawer
🌀 https://bit.ly/2IYUdLd
〽️ Price: $20.99
-86- ✔️ [CN] XY5008 1.8inch Screen DC DC Buck Converter CC CV 0-50V 8A 400W Power Module Adjustable Regulated Laboratory Power Supply Variable WIFF APP
🌐 https://bit.ly/2J9nAe1
👉 Price: $18.99
🏆 Coupon: BG40988
-87- ✔️ [CN] URUAV 15.2V 450mAh 80C/160C 4S Lipo Battery XT30 Plug for RC Drone
🌍 https://bit.ly/3mqLNuM
👉 Price: $11.99
▪️ Coupon: BGissam996
-88- ✔️ [CN] 3D 16 Lines 360° Green Light Auto Laser Level Horizontal & Vertical Cross Build Tool Measuring Tools Kit
🌀 https://bit.ly/35FKhOo
👉 Coupon: BG65129
-89- ✔️ [CN] 3 in 1 USB 2000mAh 1800Pa Smart Robot Vacuum Cleaner Sweeping Mopping Automatic Sweeper Floor Low Noise
❇️ https://bit.ly/37JhqeU
🔹 Price: $24.99
✏️ Coupon: BGCNRBG3
-90- ✔️ [CN] 17 Keys Electric Kalimbas Acacia Thumb Piano Wood Finger Percussion Music w/Cable
🚨 Price: $25.00
✂️ Coupon: BGYHJDF
-91- ✔️ [CN] Intelligent Mobile Phone Control Neck Massager Deep Tissue Massage Muscle 3D Electric Relieve Pain Cordless Massager
🥇 Price: $21.99
📍 Coupon: BGOCFO612
-92- ✔️ [CN] CHASING Gladius Mini Underwater Drone With 4K HD Camera 2 Hours Working Time One Key Depth Hold Live Stream Diving Rescue RC Drone
⭕️ Price: $1099.99
-93- ✔️ [CN] XANES® 200mm 7.9'' Folding Knife with LED Flashlight 57HRC Steel 5Cr15 Blade Pocket Survival Camping Knife EDC Tools
❇️ https://bit.ly/35Ei2zx
🔹 Price: $4.99
🔑 Coupon: BG44425
-94- ✔️ [CN] Baona 15.6inch Laptop Sleeve Bag Inner Bag 13 14 15inch Computer Case Business Backpacks Men Women Handbags Storage Bag BN-Z009
-95- ✔️ [CN] Household Air Quality Detector CO2 Tester with Carbon Dioxide TVOC Value Electricity Quantity Temperature Humidity Display
🔗 https://bit.ly/37Ih9c1
💰 Price: $24.99
-96- ✔️ [CN] PGG D12 Electric Neck Shoulder Massager Remote Control Acupuncture Therapy Pain Relief Relaxation Magnetic Pulse Cervical Vertebra Physiotherapy Massage
🛒 https://bit.ly/3mnqfPy
⭕️ Price: $26.99
🎯 Coupon: BGOCFO903
-97- ✔️ [CN] ZLRC SG907 Pro 5G WIFI FPV GPS With 4K HD Dual Camera Two-axis Gimbal Optical Flow Positioning Foldable RC Drone Quadcopter RTF
📌 https://bit.ly/3mq5lPP
🔹 Price: $120.99
-98- ✔️ [CN] Andonstar AD208 8.5 Inch 5X-1200X Digital Microscope Adjustable 1280*800 LCD Display Microscope 1080P Scope Soldering Tool for Mobile Phone Repair PCB Welding SMT
❗️ https://bit.ly/31IOiR0
Price: $72.99
❤️ Coupon: BGG43758
-99- ✔️ [CN] IPREE® 380W Winter Heating Fan Portable Shaking Head Electric Heater Low-Noise Smart Warmer 220V Fast Heating
Price: $19.99
👉 Coupon: BG372B2
-100- ✔️ [CN] LingTing LT-K17G 17 keys Kalimbas Mbira Thumb Piano Solid Wood Musical Instrument Gift Toys
👉 Price: $30.99
👉 Coupon: BGHYHFS
-101- ✔️ [CN] 17 Keys Kalimbas Crystal Thumb Piano Acrylic Portable Musical Instrument Gifts for Kids Adult Beginners
🌐 https://bit.ly/3mqLnnW
💥 Price: $28.00
🏆 Coupon: BGOKLSA
-102- ✔️ [CN] LC RACING EMB-1 1/14 2.4G 4WD Brushless Racing RC Car Off Road Vehicle RTR
🌍 https://bit.ly/35AO0gn
💰 Price: $224.99
📌 Coupon: BG175LC
-103- ✔️ [CN] FYLO EDU Educational Programming Formation Drone With Scrath & Python Dual Programming Full Color LED Light 10PCS Drone
🛒 https://bit.ly/31IqnRC
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2020.10.26 12:55 Davidgogo Is the time of death fixed from the day we were born?

Is the time of death fixed from the day we were born?
The question of predestination and/or Predeterminism and its various cousins, the one fixed time of death and the guaranteed rizq (food) notion in Islam, needs a closer look. I will leave the larger debate between free will and determinism or predestination and free will for others to bicker over. I will only bring it up when needed while focusing on the isolation of one recognizable event. I will also leave the nuances to others as to how Predestination implies Predeterminism, but not the other way around etc.
Let's see if we can settle this age-old argument through the verses of the Quran. At least for those who believe and/or have verified Quran as the very word of God. However, the conclusions will also contribute to the overall free will vs predestination debate. A bit long but please bear with me.
The key lies in the isolation of one or more elements and to follow their progress. After all, if everything is predetermined then the time of the death of each individual is also predetermined. When we take this universally recognized certainty, death, it can be shown that the free will arguments will trounce the one fixed fate any day, even after the introduction of quantum randomness into the debate. For starters, our free will is not absolute, we had no say in our birth. But now that we are here, we must analyze how we work and everything around us works, hence the questions.
Everything starts with a premise (s) and ends up with a model. A model without God or a model with God. Almost all questions probing fundamental truths will circle back to free will and the issue of how much value must be attached to it. With free will and God in the same equation, there is need for some context (s). Foremost among them has to do with God being omniscient. God’s omniscience can be explained in different ways; although it is a bit presumptuous to try and explain the possibilities of what God is capable of, but we humans love to offer explanations. Besides ejecting the time dimension from the equation, one possible answer is Processing Power, a supercomputer is able to keep track of billions of variables, process their interaction and finally predict outcomes, God can do it infinitely better. This is one way to explain how God knows our future or the future.
Similarly, the notion of God knowing and at the same time we being responsible for our actions is pretty straightforward. Given God's infinite powers, it is easy for God to know every single permutation of our actions. In fact, it is easy for God to even know which one of the various permutation on offer we are going to go for. And it being written down, that is every different version of it or the one that we will ultimately choose, does not change the fact that we will still be responsible for our choices. Any other way and the value of free will and in turn, our own existence will be reduced to exactly zero. God says He did not create us uselessly (عَبَثًا).
It is clear that God's reality is separate from our reality. We make our own way with the help of God-given faculties. God's knowing should never be confused with our "predestination." This patently un-Islamic notion is a very useful tool for those hellbent on subjugating the Ummah (people). It is a catch-all fall back for corrupt and incompetent rulers who can blame their incompetence and everything else on God. The notion has always proved very useful for brainwashing and then sending soldiers on suicide missions. The non-state actors of late have grabbed it with both hands and run amok with it. The resulting mayhem is there for all to see.
As I said, the objective of this write-up is to approach the debate from an Islamic (Quranic) perspective and try to determine if the "fixed" time of death, one fixed time and the related guaranteed rizq notion, essentially another way of fixing the time of death, have any merit. Both from an individual's perspective and a nation as a whole. In the case of nations, the individual life spans take a back seat but even then, we have examples in the Quran where a party escapes the fate of the rest of the community. Once again let us leave out the larger fixed fate aspect of the discussion because God clearly says our fate is in our own hands. So, either it is or it is not. Quran 2:195, 42:30, 8:51,3:182, 42:48
If one were to sit down and think this through, the Quranic term Qadir, around which the notion revolves, is not a difficult concept at all, in spite of the seemingly contradictory elements, one may encounter at first. With all due respect to those with a different understanding, allow me to very briefly comment on the sectarian-driven predestination as a whole. How is creation, in a certain measure (قدر) translates into predestination? If it is then we will have to ignore the use of the word over a hundred times in the Quran in different contexts, including a "saucepan" or "large pot" in order to mean it to be "predestination". Clearly, an alien notion which was deliberately slipped into the narrative and even in the later day dictionaries by the usual suspects. If God wanted us to know everything is predestined then true to the nature of God He would have said "everything in your lives are predestined", perhaps with the use of words like"Jabr (جبر) or even مسبق or مصير.
If everything was predetermined, there is a good chance somebody would have figured out the future by now.
How does all this fit into our reality? One sure sign is that there is no absolute destiny that can be deduced from the large discrepancies found in the distribution of our experiences. Why do people in Okinawa for instance, a relatively tiny geographical area, live to be hundred in their hundreds, while lifespan in much larger geographical areas drops more than half of that. Why is the infant mortality high in Angola and not in Denmark?
When we compare factors like vaccinations (or advancement in medicine as a whole), water treatment, waste management and general sanitation, we find a very strong cause and effect strings in play. Similarly, why is it that over 200,000 people died in Haiti's earthquake but only a few hundred in a more severe one in Chile? Not only that but more people died in Chile previously when the building code was not enforced aggressively. Why would destiny be tied to man-made building code or the quality of the first responders and/or medical aid? I know the determinist could argue it was all destined that way in the general notion of predestination. But the interaction of variables draws a different picture. And in the Islamic perspective, it makes even less sense.
When we focus on the specific notion of a fixed time of death and food resources associated with it a different picture emerges. We will see that predestination of an isolated element is not possible without dragging in all the other related elements around it to make it work, if at all.
Before strengthening my case, let us first quickly familiarize ourselves with some stats. There will be some variations in the estimates but since we will be comparing very small numbers to very large numbers the difference will have minimal effect on our conclusions. Of course, it is always advisable to verify the numbers for yourself, but the idea is to present everything in one place so that we can focus on the arguments based on them.


Child mortality
The under-5 mortality rate is the number of children who die by the age of five, per thousand live births per year. In 2013, the world average was 46 (4.6%), down from 90 (9.0%) in 1990.The average was 6 in developed countries and 50 in developing countries, including 92 in Sub-Saharan Africa. The highest rate in the world was 167, in Angola. Likewise, there are disparities between wealthy and poor households in both the developing countries and the developed ones. According to a Save the Children paper, children from the poorest households in India are three times more likely to die before their fifth birthday than those from the richest households. Please go here to see the how the trends have been affected by active programs to influence the outcome.
The number of total casualties has been estimated at various times since the bombings with wide discrepancies. The Manhattan Engineer District's best available figures are:

The relation of total casualties to distance from X, the center of damage and point directly under the air-burst explosion of the bomb, is of great importance in evaluating the casualty-producing effect of the bombs. This relationship for the total population of Nagasaki is shown in the table below, based on the first-obtained casualty figures of the District:

So, let us see now. The argument often given is that if a given person had not died because of abc causes they would have died of xyz cause. Fair enough, this argument seems to work for individual cases. Especially when these incidences are distributed over different geographical areas and timelines in a normalized pattern. But it doesn't work for large numbers in a very small geographical area in a given instant of time.
And that is a huge problem.
When was the last time we heard that 220,000 people died in their sleep at 3:31 am on a given night in New York or Mumbai? Never is the answer. The world average per minute death is 105 worldwide or just two per second. In 1945 it was around one per second in the entire world. In order to mirror the death of 66,000 people, over 10,000 of which in the space of a few seconds when the atom bomb was dropped in Japan, we must be able to identify similar numbers dying in their sleep or simply dropping dead in a given geographical area, without a natural disaster or a man-made catastrophe at least once, Needless to say not even close.
Let us put up some more numbers to see how far we are. The population of Hiroshima in 1945 was estimated to be 255,000. Almost 26% of the entire population died in one go. The population of Hiroshima today is over 1,100,000 inhabitants. The death rate is around 1% over a year. reducing it to even that one fateful hour, let alone seconds will give us a grand number of 1.2 people dying on an average day within a period of one hour. That gap in percentage terms is computationally insignificant and not worth a look even. BTW the death rate has been the running average for the last 50 years.
The 66,000 Hiroshima deaths were never repeated in the entire city of Hiroshima’ to date. In fact, the 66,000 deaths within a very short period were never repeated in any city with either more than or less than 255,000 inhabitants anywhere in the world, ever.
For tens of thousands of deaths to occur in a predetermined way, God would then also have to decree all those exact people to move to a few square miles patch within Hiroshima. Furthermore, those not decreed to die to move out of that area, far far out. And just like that we are not only talking about the time of death but the movement of people, the transportation means to get to a designated place, the interaction between hundreds of thousands of people required to achieve it. In short, the suspension of free will of an entire city and by extension, the very act of dropping the atomic bomb as a predetermined event will have to be introduced for it to make any sense.
Which if true, needless to say, will be in direct contradiction to the several verses where God not only assures us that He neither changes His laws nor takes our destiny out of our hands. Granted God in His infinite mercy does interfere, but He has attached defined constraints to such interventions. Angels are sent to aid in our struggles and even individuals are assigned tasks to perform. The servant of God who was accompanied by Moses in the Quran is a clear example. In addition, we are supposed to ask for God's help. Then there is the case when God finds an entire nation gone past the point of no return and destroys it.
In the case of child mortality, the scenario becomes even more baffling. We can easily show the improbability of events with much smaller numbers. When was the last time even a hundred healthy three-year-olds just dropped dead one afternoon in Paris for no apparent reason, again, never. When was the last time even a dozen newly born healthy babies died within a few minutes of each other in Stockholm, again, never. And then there that distinction made between those who die and those being killed in the Quran. In the case of stillbirth which one is it?
Furthermore, since Angel (s) of death through their treatment of us is supposed to inform us at the time of death as to our likely destination, Quran 16:32 and Quran 47:27, which is based on what we used to do. So how is the Angel supposed to treat a stillborn baby?
We don't need to fret over all this and we certainly don't need to assume that God needs a man-made event or is dependent on our degree of preparedness for natural disasters to cause someone to die, We don't need to because God has actually explained how it all works in a number of verses. Once the time of death issue is resolved the accompanying fixed rizq resolves itself.
First, let us think through the argument against the concentration of people in a given geographical location where the risk of death is either too high or too low. According to the Quran, in both cases, it is also in our hands to decide as opposed to God pulling the strings as to where we must live to avoid risk. Actually, we are free both to emigrate away from danger or go headfirst into danger.
Indeed, those whom - take them (n death) the Angels (while) they (were) wronging themselves they say, "In what (condition) were you?" They said, "We were oppressed in the They said, "Not was (the) earth (of) Allah spacious (enough) so that you (could) emigrate in it?" Then those (will have) their abode (in) Hell - and it is an evil destination. Quran 4:97
The above verse makes it obligatory on those with means to move away from danger. Not only that but the following verse rewards us for doing so. In the verse, God is actually telling us that by moving away from a place of torment and oppression God will reward us, in this world and in the hereafter, the aim seems to be to protect us from harm and possible immature death.
And those who emigrated in (the way) (of) Allah after [what] they were wronged, surely We will give them position in the world good, but surely the reward (of) the Hereafter (is) greater, if they know. Quran 16:41
Now let us focus on the distinction of just to die or be killed. Remember God only talks about the time of our death decreed when we die and not us being killed.
And if you die or are killed, surely to Allah you will be gathered. Quran 3:158
Notice the distinction made between dying and be killed in the verse above.
In fact, not even the messenger of God is spared from the possibility of being killed
And not (is) Muhammad - except a Messenger, certainly passed away before him [the] (other) Messengers. So, if he died or is slain will you turn back on your heels? And whoever turns back on his heels then never will he harm Allah (in) anything. And Allah will reward the grateful ones. Quran 3:144
And this fits into the narrative, God has detailed the normal life cycle based on our general development and medical science and has in fact drawn our attention to its various stages, not only that but has informed us of the age of maturity to be around forty years.
But here is the biggest clue that let us in on the way our life term is determined, in fact, it opens the possibility that it happens every night or every time we lose consciousness. I will post a few translations and recommend that you look up the original Arabic of verse 39:42 to get a better sense of what it means:
Quran 39:42 a few translations
Allah takes the souls (at the) time (of) their death, and the one who (does) not die in their sleep. Then He keeps the one whom, He has decreed for them the death, and sends the others for a term specified. Indeed, in that surely (are) signs for a people who ponder.
It is God [alone that has this power - He] who causes all human beings to die at the time of their [bodily] death, and [causes to be as dead], during their sleep, those that have not yet died: thus, He withholds [from life] those upon whom He has decreed death, and lets the others go free for a term set [by Him]. In [all] this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!
Allah takes up the selves at the time of their death and the ones which have not died, in their sleeping. Then He holds back the ones against which He has decreed death and sends (forth) the others till a stated term. Surely in that are indeed signs for a people who meditate.
The later of the three is more accurate because the word used is (الْأَنْفُسَ) and not Soul (روح). Correct me if I am wrong but nowhere is death associated with the Soul in the Quran. Quran 3:145 uses ( كِتَابًا مُّؤَجَّلًا ) and here ( أَجَلٍ مُّسَمًّى ) is used. Both have the same sense.
Once again in Quran verse 6:60 the same thing is repeated but with another qualifier,
Quran 6:60 a few translations
And He it is who causes you to be [like] dead at night, and knows what you work in daytime; and He brings you back to life each day in order that a term set [by Him] be fulfilled. In the end, unto Him you must return: and then He will make you understand all that you were doing [in life].
And He (is) the One Who takes your (soul) by the night and He knows what you committed by the day. Then He raises you up therein, so that is fulfilled (the) term specified. Then to Him will be your return then He will inform you about what you used to do.
And He is (The One) Who takes you up by night, and He knows whatever you indulge in by daytime; thereafter He makes you rise again therein that a stated term may be decreed; thereafter to Him will be your return; thereafter He will fully inform you of whatever you were doing.
We have to count ourselves, those who take Quran to be the very word of God, fortunate to be able to take advantage of the inductive truths found in it. If one were to debate the issue at hand even without these truths, then the only logical conclusion will have to be a free-willed individual in action. The reason for that is pretty straightforward and pointed out by many commentators. When we claim to be making a truth statement, either way, we rise above the determinist reality and become a free-willed one, thus violating determinism.
The only verse, if not properly rendered that could have pointed us towards a specific place of death and hence in the introduction of yet another predetermined event would have been Quran 3:154. But on closer scrutiny we find it syncs perfectly with the verses above where the death other than being killed happens during a state of sleep. Quran 39:42 and 6:60. In this case, death could come as a result of the nafs not returned to the person causing death. Furthermore, Quran 4:78 points to the fact that place is irrelevant.
Now notice in the verse below how the sectarians have managed to distort even the literal translation. by introducing the notion of a place of death which is to be reached by leaving the houses. The Arabic text of course points squarely to a bed and/or a place where one would normally go to sleep, literally their beds (مَضَاجِعِهِمْ). Fortunately, some translators did get it right and in other translations, even the literal ones, the wrong insertions reflect the sectarian angle.
Quran 3:154 a few translations
Literal: Then He sent down upon you after the distress security - slumber overcoming a group of you, while a group certainly worried [them] (about) themselves thinking about Allah other than the truth - (the) thought (of) [the] ignorance. saying, "Is (there) for us from the matter anything?" Say, "Indeed the matter all (of) it (is) for Allah." They hide in themselves what not they reveal to you, They say, "If was for us from the matter anything not we would have been killed here." Say, "If you were in your houses, surely (would have) come out those who - was decreed upon them [the] death towards their places of death. And that Allah might test what (is) in your breasts and that He may purge what (is) in your hearts. And Allah (is) All-Aware of what (is in) the breasts.
Muhammad Mahmoud Ghali: Thereafter He sent down upon you, even after suffering, secure (reassurance), a drowsiness enveloping a section of you; and a section already (became) anxious, surmising other than the truth about Allah, the surmise (s) of (pagan) ignorance. They say, "Have we anything to do with the Command?" Say, "Surely the Command is entirely to Allah." They conceal within themselves what they do not display to you; they say, "If we had had anything to do with the Command, we would not have been killed here now." Say, "If you had been in your homes, the ones for whom killing was prescribed would indeed have gone forth to their recumbencies." And that (is so that) Allah might try whatever was in your breasts, and that He might prove whatever is in your hearts; and Allah is Ever-Knowing of whatever is within the breasts (Literally: what the breasts own).
Let us examine once again the following verse.
Quran 6:60 a few translations
Literal: And He (is) the One Who takes your (soul) by the night and He knows what you committed by the day. Then He raises you up therein, so that is fulfilled (the) term specified. Then to Him will be your return then He will inform you about what you used to do.
Muhammad Mahmoud Ghali: And He is (The One) Who takes you up by night, and He knows whatever you indulge in by daytime; thereafter He makes you rise again therein that a stated term may be decreed; thereafter to Him will be your return; thereafter He will fully inform you of whatever you were doing.
The mention of what we were up to during the day in the later verse points to a timeline of the issuing of the decree. A clear possibility is evident that it is less than a 24-hour cycle. And it would make sense. God gives us every opportunity to preserve our body in such a state that it can support life. It is not the time of death which is in focus but the extension of life by continuous decrees. At the same time, God reminds us in Quran 56:60 that death is ever-present among us. Here the word used is the all-inclusive (مَوْت), irrespective of how it may happen and in the case of getting killed could be at any time. One may be killed because of God's decree as was the case in the story of Moses or due to natural or man-made disasters/accidents or another animal or human may kill him or her. Yes, granted we don't know the full extent of the variables at play, but all the above facts take us away from the one fixed time of death or indeed a particular place of death.
And then there is this:
Quran 6:2
He (is) the One Who created you from clay then He decreed a term - and a term specified with Him, yet you doubt.
This obviously has more to do with giving us a heads up that the clay's ability to hold form is finite and that only God knows the true terms of its utility. God has mentioned that Noah lived to be 950 years, so we have a long way to go but it is clear that our ever-increasing life expectancy have an upper limit, known only to God.
In light of the easily observable data, the very premise of determinism without the God model falls apart. These patterns can only be influenced by either man's intervention or God's intervention. The discrepancy of a large number of deaths occurring only when accompanied by a disaster, especially man-made disasters, in a relatively tiny geographical area, points to the fact that it is other than random cause and effect. Besides doing away with the position that choice is not an effect, the biggest argument propping determinism, the pattern of directed causes brings the whole thing crashing down. From an Islamic perspective, it makes it impossible to argue for an isolated prefixed time of death while at the same time leaving all the other events surrounding it to remain free will based.
I apologize for the post being a bit ranty but the conclusion for anyone who believes that Quran is the very word of God should be clear. As for those who don't believe in God, some food for thought. For me it comes down to this, determinism and God are mutually exclusive. Determinism with God in the mix doesn't add up. Prefixing the time of death in isolation doesn't add up.
If anyone of you has a better argument where one can isolate the time of death from other deterministic events, please let's hear it, I am all ears ...
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2020.10.26 12:48 anon-ant My (23M) girlfriend (23F) thinks i’m hiding things and going behind her back

I’ve really liked this girl since we first met years ago and was really happy to be able to have a relationship with her. We tried dating in the beginning of the year after she and her at the time boyfriend broke up and it really didn’t go well. To summarize it we were just fighting a lot but it was mostly because of things i did. Like i mentioned my ex and had a painting that my ex had given me that i honestly forgot about. We tried again soon after but things ended again.
This time around we spent two months apart and we got back together and it was going pretty nice. We spent two weeks quarantined together in her apartment and there was mostly no problems. We only fought once and it’s always about the same thing which is that she thinks i’m going behind her back or hiding things from her. Fast forward to about a week ago we had a fight. Our fights are weird, i try to talk to her and she doesn’t really listen she just acts really petty and tells me to leave. I get really mad which is honestly not normal for me to be because i’m genuinely trying to fix something that in her eyes is my fault. BUT lately she’s been really getting on me because of my phone. She’s gone through it before and has never found anything. I’m extremely confident that she’ll never find anything because i literally don’t do anything behind her back. She thinks i deleted messages or direct messages or contacts and conversations so i’m just fucked cus she doesn’t believe that i didn’t m. I try to show her that nothing is up, i even redownloaded facebook and messenger to show her nothing is up. The problem is that i delete my conversations on there. I swear it’s not for anything more than having old ass conversations with people i’ll probably never talk to again bothers me.
Last week she had mentioned to me that it bothers her that i keep my phone on silent. Initially i was like that’s not a big deal i’ll put the ringer on didn’t fight or anything like that. BUT today she passed by my phone, pressed the screen and saw that there was nothing and was really heated. She said i’m hiding things by hiding my notifications, which i only have instagram turned off because it’s super annoying. I explained to her that and she said it doesn’t matter that she had told me before. In my head i’m like wtf this didn’t happen, turns out it was implied by the ringer thing she was bothered by. Now i’m not dumb, at least i don’t think i am but i was bothered by this. And she just wasn’t having it, going off about how i’m stupid for not knowing, saying i don’t care about her, and more importantly doubting me.
We broke up today, I broke up with her. She swears to me that it’s because of the notification thing but it’s not that but she doesn’t want to hear it. My argument is that I’ve been in love before and I was in love with her but i never doubted her nor my ex. She’s been cheated on before, and has cheated on her previous boyfriends (the last one with me and it was only once and a huge mistake). The thing is, i don’t think i’ve given her a reason to doubt me, and even though she’s done what she has i still don’t doubt her. I don’t want to go through her phone. I don’t care who she hangs out with, i’m just happy if she’s happy. So, why does she doubt me? I don’t know why. I tried my hardest to not give her a reason to but she still does. Everything i try is usually not good enough but she won’t admit it. It’s just that i’ve been in love before and loved before and i’ve felt love and even her love too but I don’t feel like you can really love someone if you doubt them. At this point i feel like she was living in constant fear of me betraying her and i just don’t think that’s real love.
I just don’t know what to do and i don’t know how to deal with it right now because i’m so emotionally disconnected from myself that the only thing i can really feel is frustration.
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2020.10.26 12:38 trmfv How can I open up to an old friend of mine?

So I knew thi girl since the beginning of 1st grade. Until 8th grade we were really close friends. Towards the end of 8th grade people started to tell us we should date, and at that time she was showing me no sign of attraction other than the chemistry we had as friends. So I told her lets not be this close if you're uncomfortable with the way people are looking at us.
In highschool we went our seperate ways. We added each other on facebook, we had some long conversations maybe once every 2-3 months. Then I went abroad for university.
I tried looking for her facebook but appareantly she deleted her facebook but I remember I was able to find our old convos.
Let me fastforward it to 2 months ago. I finished my degree. She's appareantly in her last year of uni. She texted me from Facebook Messenger approx. 2 years after we last talked.
She said "hey trmfv Its been a while, sorry I don't use social media. You can text me from this number. I use Whatsapp." After seeing this I immediately texted her and we had a nice convo. But I was very nervous to not dissapoint her or not to say anything wrong. She seems very vise and deep. But I felt like we still have that chemistry. I don't know what to do. Because I've never met a girl like her, who made me feel like I should just be me without the hesitation to impress anyone. What should I do?
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2020.10.26 09:57 Neeee-nerrrr Ex boyfriend scammer. Is there anything I can or should do (PA)

Short version: met a guy who took money from me, gave me an STD, and I caught in a documented lie to his landlord. Is there anything I can do legally after 2 years? Is it worth it? What is my moral responsibility to other women?
Long version: Met a guy online but did my due diligence and checked him out before our 1st date (in Oct 2018). I fell hard for him and within a months he asked me to move in with promises (marriage! Kids! A future after 35!). We agreed I’d move in the spring or sooner if my roommate situation changed.
In December, his job was in flux and was worried about rent and presents for his kids ( he had 4 with 3 women who all cheated on him... yeah...red flag...). I had some money from my old 401k coming in shortly to pay off debts. I agreed to give him some as future security towards my part of rent. I gave him $1,500 in cash. (Dec 15th). He got “busy” around Christmas with kids/family/work so we didn’t see each other. By New Years his grandmother was dying and he was too busy and then she died. He stopped talking to me. Kept saying he needed space if I texted. I backed off.
After a week of silence, I figured he must have broken up with me, but I wasn’t sure. Then when I got fed up with waiting I contacted a mural friend to see if there was something I was missing (was he having an emotional meltdown or breaking up with me?). He called me and screamed at me for stalking him and he would get a restraining order or sue me or something. I told him I just wanted my things, money and for him to actually break up with me. He calmed down and then strung me along for several weeks about paying me back. He let his phone get disconnected (for non payment).
About 2 months later, a friend showed me the jerk had a new girlfriend (documented in Facebook). In a diplomatic way I contact her via messenger to warn her about the STD: “I dated Mr X and we had unprotected sex last on ___. I was positive for herp. He claims he didn’t have it. He may not disclose this info to you. Good luck.” Nothing weird. I blocked her and him and dropped the mutual friend. I felt I did a public service for her (they broke up the next day in Facebook.
I was embarrassed that I fell for his lies and got used but felt helpless. My parents wanted me to take him to court but I just felt like an idiot. I just moved on a a best I could. I knew his grandmother hadn’t died (I’d met her and knew her area). No obit or anything. I couldn’t afford to just go to court for money is probably never see (I know he owed child support).
Then a few months ago I realized his email account was still linked to mine from a project we had worked on using my computer. I decided to snoop and found he had sent his landlord a letter around the same time I was getting my payment (early December 2018). He told his landlord his SON HAD DIED and was waiting on life insurance to pay out!!! WTF!!! I was there at his place every day during this time and he talked with all his VERY MUCH ALIVE children every night.
I don’t know if I should do anything. Can I do anything? 1) My doctor said the STD probably could not. be traced to him. I was tested between partners. But the doctor said since the standard test didn’t check for herpes, I couldn’t prove anything. 2) since I gave him cash I only have a few text messages and bank records as proof of the $1500. 3) His lies to his landlord is creepy but I saw the email via snooping and they might not care.
submitted by Neeee-nerrrr to legaladvice [link] [comments]

2020.10.25 18:46 Low-Conversation-202 Boyfriend (M26) had a fake Facebook and Instagram account. He searched for the same girl for 11 years. I am considering breaking up with him.

1 month ago I was hanging out with my boyfriend at his place and we were having a good time. We have been together for 5 years (we don't live together tough). He is 26 and I am a female aged 24. He went to work and I went on his computer to search for a movie to watch. I have always had access to his computer but he always deletes the history (he said that it is because he don´t want me to see the porn he has been searching for).
A Facebook address popped up on the search bar on his computer and I thought that it was weird since he never had any Facebook or other social media. I tapped on the Facebook-link and it went to a fake Facebook profile with a picture of some random guy. I was really confused so and I thought that it even might could have been some type of virus or something. I went to messenger and I could see that my boyfriend had sent messages to girls. The latest ones (1 month ago) where innocent, like complementing a Youtuber that she does good content, but I also found that he messaged 2 girls in the beginning of our relationship (4-5 years ago) and complimented them on their looks and flirtatious messages.
I went to the search-history part of Facebook to see what and who he had searched for and I found that he mostly had searched for girls.
When he came home from work I confronted him about this and asked who all these girls he searched for where and why he had a Fake Facebook account. He became very defensive and started shouting at me. He said that the girls he searched for where girls he found on an site that where searching for an apartment (he is trying to find someone to rent his apartment) so I trusted him and he seemed so trustworthy and convincing.
I went home the same day and I thought about the situation a lot. I had this gut feeling that he wasn't telling me the truth so I called him and we had a huge argument where he was accusing me of not trusting him and that I was overreacting. He told me that he had told me the truth and that he had no intention to lye to me. He told me that in the being of our relationship (5 years ago) he had a profile on an dating site with a picture of just his shirtless upper body because of that he had bad self esteem and he wanted to see if girls thought his body looked good. He said that he didn't get many replies and that he didn't use the site often at all. He said that this was the only thing he had done and that he wanted to confess about.
We argued about the whole situation for about a week and I wanted him to be totally honest with me which I didn't think he was.
I did some investigation and found out that he had a fake Instagram (I searched for the girl he had complimented 5 years ago and found that he was following her on Instagram) with the same fake picture and name. He was following some people that I saw that he had searched on Facebook and one girl in particular stood out in his Facebook searches. He had searched for this girl many times (one month he had searched for her 14 times) and I could see that he had searched for her many years (I only searched from 2016 to now) and he had last searched for her the day before we where gonna meet each other. I called him and confronted him and he tried to lie but he eventually confessed when I came with all the evidence. He told me that he had made that Fake Facebook 11 years ago in order to look up old people from school and so on. He said that he wasn't very active and didn't use it often. He said that he use it nowadays to look up people who want to rent apartment and people from work.
He said that the girl he searched so often for was a girl he used to go to elementary school with and that he had a crush on her back then because of that she helped him when he was getting picked on by others and that it meant a lot to him. He said that he didn't understand why she stood up for him since she was kind of popular and didn't have a own interest in standing up for him. He also told me that he thought that she looked "special" back then and that it became an weird routine to look her up on Facebook. He has been doing it for 11 years and last time he saw her was 12 years ago. They didn't have a real conversation with each other back in elementary school. He has even been searching for her on google. He said that it was because that he was interested in knowing what she is up to nowadays. He googled and Facebooked her a day before we met and I found his fake Facebook. He told me that he has no interest in this girl and that it only became an routine because he had been doing it for so many years. He said that when he went on Facebook to look up another thing he also looked her up because she crossed his mind.
I told him that it is normal to be wondering what a person from elementary school is up to but not in that extent. I told him that it almost feels like he is obsessed with her. She is very attractive and I really wonder why he has been searching for her so often and for such a long period of time. Why is he so fixated around that she "helped" him when he was getting picked on, it happened 12 years ago. He said that he agrees that it is weird that he has been searching for her for so long and that he should have stopped a long time ago.
I feel like he still has feelings for her. He has sworn that he is not interested in her in that way and that he has no feelings for her...but I don´t know what to think. He said that she became kind of a "hero" when she stood up for him. She haven't been uploading anything new on Facebook for 2 years and she is even engaged. He has even been Facebook-searching for her fiancé sometimes. He said that he added her on Instagram because she didn't upload much on Facebook and he was curious to see wat she was up to.
He also followed fitness models on Instagram and scantly clad girls on Instagram and told me that he did so because that we are in a long distance relationship and that he felt horny and alone sometimes. He said that it is wrong and that he shouldn't have done that in an relationship.. He also said that It may have happened that he crossed paths with a good looking girl through work or in life in general and that he have looked her up on Facebook but that it was extremely rare.
I really don't know what to make out of all of this. He bought me roses and a gift but only after we had been arguing for a long time. He also deleted the Facebook and Instagram and confessed that it is wrong to do what he did when you're in an relationship. He said that he has never been unfaithful and that he loves only me.
I sometimes feel like I am overreacting... I even considered breaking up with him but I really love him and we have been together for so long. I feel like he don't want to lose me he have been crying and telling me that he shouldn't have lied and that he should have stopped a long time ago but that he had been doing it before we met and that it just continued and became a routine.
TLDR My boyfriend (M26) of 5 years had a fake Facebook and Instagram account that he created 11-12 years ago. He made it to look up people from school and recently he used it to look up people from work and random stuff. He has been looking up a girl from elementary school that he last met 11 years ago for 11 years. He has been searching for her on google and he had her on his fake Instagram (he googled and looked at her Facebook last time 1 month ago and that was when I found out he had a fake Facebook.
submitted by Low-Conversation-202 to relationships [link] [comments]